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Stray & Mersey's Christmas Bonanza

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 10:36

Anything Christmasy is Welcome :-D :-D

The lead up to Christmas and Fesivities starts here

We do not want Mizzas only mistletoe & wine <3

Christmas tips <3 Christmas jokes <3 christmas wishes <3

Stray and I are helping Father Christmas this year BIG TIME!!

Will that do Stray ;-) <3 ;-)

StrayKitten

StrayKitten Report 14 Nov 2013 10:39

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

>>> drags in HUGEEEEEEEE christmas tree,

adds baubles, and mulled wine "hic"

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 10:42

Don't forget the snow hose for outside , for the perfect Christmasy effect ;-) ;-)

StrayKitten

StrayKitten Report 14 Nov 2013 10:44

"dons christmas hat"

oh yes we defo need some snow,

"drags in snow machine"

oh do you think they would mind if we get the bells out?

"jumps up and down excitedly"

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 10:48

Its our Christmas home Stray we can do anthing we want :-D :-D ;-) <3

Jingle your bells and tickle your tinsel !! :-D <3

GinN

GinN Report 14 Nov 2013 10:50

Don't think this thread is for me! :-0 :-| :-(

Well, not until December, anyway! :-D :-D :-D :-D ;-) ;-)

Did someone mention mulled wine? :-D :-D ;-) ;-) Now that's different!

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 10:52

GiN November is the new December on this thread :-D :-D ;-)

Sharron

Sharron Report 14 Nov 2013 10:52

Balls.


Glittery ones.

Dermot

Dermot Report 14 Nov 2013 10:55

Twelve days of Christmas - with apologies to those who are sick & tired of reading through this piece of nonsensical nonsense.

*Day 1:

Dear Nuala,

Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket.

Thank you again.

Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O'Lúnasa

*Day 2:

Dear Nuala,

I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind.

At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two.

The vet's bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.

Yours ever,

Gobnait.

*Day 3

Dear Nuala,

We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived.

There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down on her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters.

Thanking you for your kindness. I remain,

Your Gobnait

*Day 4:

Dear Nuala,

You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend. Gobnauit

*Day 5:

Nuala,

Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings !

When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.

Your affectionate friend, Gobnait

*Day 6:

Nuala,

What are you trying to do to us ? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash !

My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.

Gobnait.

*Day 7:

Nuala,

We are not amused by your little joke.

Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter.

If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair. Gobnait

*Day 8:

Nuala,

Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home ? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds.

The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium.

I'm very annoyed with you. Gobnait.

*Day 9:

Listen you louser!

There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight.

I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me. Gobnait.

*Day 10:

Listen manure-face,

I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar.

My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium.

You'll get yours ! Gobnait O'Lúnasa.

*Day 11:

You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel.

It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like “Outlook”.

I'll get you yet, you ould bag !

*Day 12:

Listen slurry head,

You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, ‘cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping.

Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they'd been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well.

The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey & Valium bottles, birds' blood & feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree.

I'm a broken man.

Gobnait O'Lúnasa.

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 11:15

OMG Dermot !!!! :-D :-D

JoyBoroAngel

JoyBoroAngel Report 14 Nov 2013 11:43

rushes off to get kitty the perfect cook

to make the mince pies :-D :-D

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 11:50

JBA Don't forget the brandy cream :-0 :-D

AnninGlos

AnninGlos Report 14 Nov 2013 11:53

Dermot :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

CrystalTips

CrystalTips Report 14 Nov 2013 11:54

Will there be auditions for the Nativity / Panto?

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 11:57

Hi CT Im not very good in the directors chair im afraid that may have to be someone elses job !! :-D :-D

JoyBoroAngel

JoyBoroAngel Report 14 Nov 2013 12:01

dare we ask her
you know how she ended up legless under the kitchen table

last time we let her loose with the brandy mersey lol ;-) ;-)

CrystalTips

CrystalTips Report 14 Nov 2013 12:05

I'd only want to be the back end of a donkey anyway, or something else where I wouldn't be recognised, def. not a starring role.

Hang on! You've drawn me in - I wasn't intending to even think about Christmas until December! :-P

Mersey

Mersey Report 14 Nov 2013 12:19

JBA ,Well it is Christmas (well nearly) ;-) ;-) let her loose lol

*Rubs hands together* CT this is what Stray and I want...bring you in without you realising :-D :-D :-D ;-)

CrystalTips

CrystalTips Report 14 Nov 2013 12:32

Hate to think what my OH will think looking at my history, or my ISP, in the space of 5 minutes I've searched for "back end of a donkey" and fishnet tights and shiny boots ;-)

Jeniwren

Jeniwren Report 14 Nov 2013 12:33

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
You lot are absolutely mad, [in the nicest possible way]
You have just given me a very much needed laugh,
[wet myself actually]
Here is an early Christmas present for you all,
24 assorted bottles of spirits and wines.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3