General Chat

Here Kitty Kitty!

Hi PH,

I too haven't laughed so hard in ages. I profess not to like Cats (we like Dogs in our house) but in reality, they are quite cute,

Would prefer a dry clean cat any day to a smelly toilet.


Edited 'dog' to plural. Reason obvious ??

Oh, well that really is cruel!
Did you hear that everyone?
Susan would prefer to send the cat to the Dry Cleaners!! :>))

PH,

I was meaning a clean cat and toilet..... Sorry not worded effectively.

Plus, it would cost at the drycleaners.....

I knew what you meant honest! lol x

Hey PH,

You are naughty, what is an absent comma between posters?

Don't you get me in trouble ....

Fantastic idea.....anyone got a cat I can borrow ;)

Dont worry if you cant borrow a cat Ginny, i think it might also work with a Gerbal.

Dont be shy, give it a try!

Sticky Children.........do as JiminyCricket says and.....

Dont shy away from this at home.

Pushes Westie into cupboard under the stairs just incase
Prickles comes a calling with any other ideas on how to use
our beloved pets to clean the house. lolx

Emmax

If you have laminate flooring, tie beloved Westie to a broom handle and spin him round several times. Be sure to stop before he's sick or you will need to borrow a cat and start the whole toilet claening procedure all over again.
Untie and give him a few severe shakes outside to rid him of dust.

Job Done!

Much better way is to put a notice on the door,"FOR PRICKLYS USE ONLY" then cover the seat with Clingfilm,and she can then get the Backlash. :o))>.**M**.

Not laughed so much in ages. Brought tears to my eyes

Even my dogs are wondering why I am laughing out loud.

I think you mean "backsplash" Merlin! lol

Haha Prickles knew you would come back at me, you sick person you,
(hang on a minute I forgot to let Westie out)
Merlin I'm with you on that idea but have a feeling she would use cat to wipe up the backsplash.
And as for using a wabbit to polish the car, shame on you.lolx

Emmax

Yes............Shane on you Shame!!





INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

PMSL I shouldn't laugh but can't help myself, thank goodness cat got it's own back. Come on the cat......

Emmax

No, Splashback.Like Encounters from the Deep.Like a "Bidet" when you alter the spray to jetwash and listen for the yells.PMSL.**M**.:o)))>.xx.

Thats just had me crying with laughter......people at work think Im nuts!

My cousin is very impressed with the toilet cleaning tip, but wants to know if letting the cat out of the toilet is compulsory.
(His is a fiend from hell)