General Chat

:-D :-D

I really must stop calling my body parts after vegetables, funny habit don't know how it started.

Now what can I snack on....oh look there's some....

opportunities to conduct an audit just to ensure the Captain's passenger information is accurate & up to date. The cook always needs to know how many eggs she should boil for the much anticipated breakfast.

Sea-sickness in the rough seas is taking its toll as evidenced by many pale faces hanging over the ship's boundary. It's likely that much food will be wasted by those unfortunates who become sick at the very thought of soft-boiled eggs. Andrews' Liver Salts cure many dodgy stomach linings.

To occupy the minds of some uncomfortable travellers, the captain has organised the ship's very own 'bake-off'. Pork fillets saute hongroise went down like weighted balloons. A lovely recipe & easy to make.

Coffee ice cream to follow. And so, back to the salubrious bunk-bed!

Now if the bake off had been stuffed marrow ,everyone would have been happy to retire to their bunks.
Poor Allan all he wanted was a quiet relaxing cruise,but it wasn't to be........

So finally awake after all the nightmares Allan thought maybe the cruise is what I need. He looked online and found an early Cyber Monday deal for a World cruise on board the " ship of fools", sounds fun thought Allan. They promise a wonderful fun packed cruise and I can even take my prized Marrow with me.

His OH had different ideas..........

She told Allan "the ship of fools doesn't need another one,why can't we stay in a log cabin somewhere where you can't get up to any more of your silly head banging,and some calm classical music will help.
Just think we could be like them celebrities in the jungle ...

"Log cabin....log cabin.....you mean in a forest surrounded by trees....and you think I wouldn't hit my head because......as for classical music well the obvious choice with a log cabin is the lumberjack song....."

OH sighed..."how about a Yurt then?".......

Oh for crying out loud Allan, what's it going to be,a cruise ,log cabin,yurt or maybe you'd like to try your hand at sheep shearing ?

Allan smirked...he'd always fancied Sheep shearing just something about it was appealing.
OH saw the smirk and changed tactics....

"How about we go and do Goat yoga?" she asked.......

Allan brightened up at the thought and said "Why not! I've always been interested in 'Star Wars' and wouldn't mind meeting the great Yoda"


His OH just sighed and wondered if going on holiday was worth all the hassle. This one was turning out to be anything except relaxing

OH decided getting Allan ear wax cleaned out first might be wise, he of course heard her say "Let's get you relaxed" rather than dewaxed....."but I've not had too much to drink not like last time" he muttered then got worried "Why are we going out to relax" "I'm not doing anything involving candles" he shouted...OH thought "Why not we've not tried ear candling before might be fun"..........

Stretched out on the chair with protruding burning wicks was not a good look, but Allan was in no position to object.

He would endure this latest whim for the sake of a quiet life, although it might get a lot louder if the treatment worked. It did occur to Allan that no longer would he have the excuse of "Sorry, I didn't hear you, dear", when OH requested something, but he'd face that when the situation arose.

So there he was, prone, when suddenly there was a knock at the door.

OH answered and was startled by the sight before her............

So after a quick search on the internet to procure the correct type of candles Allan's OH held him up by his ears to see if his brain was fertile.

Alas, all she could see was a pea sized mass (in his case mess) of what presumably passed for a brain.

This 'ere candling is not all that's it cracked to be, she thought to herself.

After a few mins there was a funny smell...."It's not me" said Allan when he saw her wrinkle her nose...but it was....the candle had burnt down and the heat had ignited his hair piece.

There was a high pitch scream and.....

fled from the room like a blazing meteor streaking through the dark of night.

A very apt simile, as to ensure that no wax fell onto his clothes, his OH had insisted that he abandon his clobber

Roasted prize Marrow was on his mind not the fact that the church Ladies bible reading group was just exiting the church across from Allan house.

Allan tried not to laugh as they fainted and knocked into each other like a row of dominoes.

OH screamed..............

.."I'll never be able to show my face again - it's all too embarrassing"

Then she has a light bulb moment - she'll use the holiday money to buy the face lift she fancied.

"Facelift.....why waste money on a facelift sweetie when you're perfect already".....was what Allan meant to say....but what he actually said was........

"I'm off to the saloon bar".

Sadly Allan was already around the corner before he remembered he was completely naked still, and worse had no money. "I know" he said "I'll be like the Emperors new clothes hopefully everyone will just assume I'm wearing clothes"

So off he went........unfortunately no clothes also meant no shoes and....

You were not allowed in the bar without shoes, Allan wondered if might borrow some from the landlady,she looks as though she wears size 12s or maybe......