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Nigel's RR'd post.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


OllietheOwl Report 9 Mar 2013 20:05

It's for the same reason that I am hesitant about asking for help.
When I read some of the extremely abrupt replies, I feel so sorry for the other person and wonder whether they will ever ask for help again.

We all make mistakes and forget to put relevant points when asking for help so a gentle prod would help better instead of a rude comment. We ask for help because we are relatively new at this game

I do think it is lovely when I see a post from a newbie and most of you marvellous members welcome them and gently guide them through the process.

So to the rude and abrupt ones, please bear this in mind before replying.


MarieCeleste Report 9 Mar 2013 20:17

Ollie (and everyone else who feels the same), don't hesitate to ask for help.

If anyone is abrupt then that is their problem, just ignore it.

Will you think I'm being off if I suggest you just delete a duplicate? (Mine sometimes post twice if I've been impatient when the boards are running slow and I keep jabbing the submit button - I usually just do a sneaky delete and hope no-one had noticed).


OllietheOwl Report 9 Mar 2013 22:20

Not at all MarieCeleste, to be honest I never saw the delete button at the top, so have just done it.

That is what we want a nice pleasant helpful suggestion when something goes wrong.




GlasgowLass Report 10 Mar 2013 01:04

I also cringe at the responses from a tiny minority of our regular members.

There is no absolutely no excuse for bad manners, and these members must know the difference between Curt and Courtesy.


HeyJudeB4Beatles Report 10 Mar 2013 08:00

To everybody

I agree wholeheartedly with EVERYTHING EVERYONE has said. I hope that I am never rude though I am sometimes brief (especially early in the morning in the week when I am off to work for the day).

I only saw the thread after it had been rr'd and kept a look out for it yesterday in case it reappeared. And then of course it disappeared altogether. I assume the poster just decided it wasn't worth the hassle.

Olwen, don't be put off posting. Most of the people on here who help (and most of them have posted on this thread) actually ENJOY helping out. I certainly do and, as I have got more experienced myself, I have actually wanted to put something back in for all the help I have received.



Astra Report 10 Mar 2013 08:30

I am in total agreement but have some observations.

Researchers on here complain that the boards are not as busy as they used to be. Is it surprising when a first time poster is greeted with........

Where have you looked?
What have you done for yourself?
Try Free BMD
Duplicates not allowed .........and promptly RR'd

My heart sinks when I read some of the responses. If it was me posting for the first time I wouldn 't come back but search for somewhere that offers a more friendly response.

When we post information on here for a poster we are delivering customer service as representatives of GR. To do that with such a poor attitude is bad for the Company and bad for the researchers as it cuts down membership and in turn the queries that hit the boards.

There are a couple who work the boards who do it continually. No pack drill. But it doesn't matter how many times they change their name and return under a different guise we know who they are by the way they treat their customers!

It's a vicious circle and I really don't know how to remedy it unless GR bite the bullet and take some action.


Michelle Report 10 Mar 2013 09:39

Despite the underlying reason for this thread ... what a lovely discussion :D

I subscribe to Genes purely for the Message Boards (otherwise I use Ancestry) ... everyone is always so welcoming, helpful and can unearth (in what seems to be seconds) information I've been scrambling around for for weeks/months

A lot of the help and advice I've received has been from individuals on this particular thread ... so I'd like to take the opportunity to say a BIG THANK YOU once again for all your help, it's very much appreciated

Kind regards,


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 10:00

Thank you for all the responses - I do seem to have hit a nerve with several members.

Thank you for those observations Astra, and I do hope you don't mind if I give an example of how easy it is to re-phrase them in a friendly manner.... :-D

Where have you looked?
+Please tell us where you have looked so that we don't duplicate your efforts. Thank you.

What have you done for yourself?
+Just wondered if you have managed to do some research on this subject. If so, it would be really helpful if you could tell us what you have found. Thank you.

Try FreeBMD.
+You may not have heard of Freebmd, if not, do please try it, it is very useful site indeed and one we all use. Here is the link:

In fact, if you click on the Genealogy Chat board on here, you will find lots of useful information and guidance.

Duplicates are not allowed.
+ Hi, just to say that posting the same thing twice actually complicates matter. The researchers look at all of the boards and will spot your thread. If you could please delete one, that would be really helpful. Thank you.

Okay - those responses will take more time but, we are supposed to be holding a welcoming conversation with the newcomer, not grilling them under torture with staccato questions! Name? Rank? Number? :-D


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 10:01

Oh yes......and I am still pm'ing all new members to let them know that they have replies. ;-)


Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 10:09

I have to ask............OllietheOwl

Is your name a ref to a football club?

Just being nosey ;-)

Up The Blades!


Potty Report 10 Mar 2013 10:23

Oh dear, reading some of the responses, I think that I have sometimes been a bit abrupt with people. Will try harder.


+++DetEcTive+++ Report 10 Mar 2013 10:29

Same here - and at the time, I was trying to be tactful :-0


Astra Report 10 Mar 2013 10:29

Cynthia you are more than welcome to re-phrase.

As you show it is so easy to word things in a more friendly manner.

I've said it before. I really don't know where we would be without your kindness and guidance for the newbies.



Gins Report 10 Mar 2013 10:40

Things can be misinterpreted on a post, with a lack on non verbal language

..........but Potty/Det

You are not rude or abrupt, never :-)


Gai Report 10 Mar 2013 10:55

I had one of my Facebook posts misinterpreted yesterday which a friend
took the wrong way.

I asked the family and they could see the sarcasm in the post but this friend
didn't. It took a couple of pm's and an apology but don't think it help.



Potty Report 10 Mar 2013 11:12

Thanks, Gins

Tenerife Sun

Tenerife Sun Report 10 Mar 2013 12:53

I used to feel very sorry for new posters when I read some of the responses they received when asking for help. I imagined the poster never venturing back on the boards. Now, quite often, I ask the person who, in my opinion, was rude or over abrupt if their harsh comments were really necessary. Sometimes I can see no reason for such bad manners and think to myself if you can't think of a better way of saying things it would be better if you didn't respond at all.

I have on more than one occasion had a pm from new members thanking me for my help and stating that they won't use the boards again. I always tell them that there are so many good researchers on the boards who are happy to help in a courteous way that they should return to the boards whenever they need and just ignore the rude minority.


Cynthia Report 10 Mar 2013 14:03

Potty and Det - I totally agree with Gins.......neither of you are ever rude or abrupt, you don't come anywhere close! Please don't change your ways, we love you as you are..... :-D


Potty Report 10 Mar 2013 14:24

Ah, thanks Cyn! <3


HeyJudeB4Beatles Report 10 Mar 2013 14:48

Cyn - ever though of going into the diplomatic service? :-)

Gins - there's only ONE team in Yorkshire you know :-)

I put my first ever post on the wrong board :-(

And in the early days, some replies nearly made me take cover and disappear somewhere far away from the boards :-)