General Chat

Malcs two kids are 16 and 18. They are still getting pocket money - £20.00 each per month. His son of 18 works full time and his daughter works part time. We also pay for their mobiles every month and Malc helps out where he can with "extras".

What age do you think is too old to have pocket money?

Thanks,

Jackie

um .........now.lol

Can you adopt me please?
Need to learn the value of money and budgeting so stop pocket money and they should be paying housekeeping and their own way (dependant on their income of course)

I think these two have had a very cushy time of it!
The son who is now an adult, should be keeping himself now, if he is in full time employment and the girl could continue to get her £20 till she is 18 so she can't say things weren't fair. As it might come hard all at once, I would say to the lad that the mobile payments stop at New Year for him and the same for the girl the same amount of months after her 18th. They are taking the mick!
As Malc is not working I think they are being very selfish expecting so much from him and therefore you now as well, Jackie, and any 'extras' should be continued till the girl is18 and then stopped, and the lad's stopped now. Any extra cash you have could go towards birthday and Christmas gifts. Could imagine the arguments about fairness if you don't treat them the same, ie. subsidised till 18.
Of course, if they are in a muddle, they could have a loan if you can manage it, but it has to be paid back or they don't get a second chance. How on earth are they ever to learn how to manage their wages if they get all these handouts from someone who isn't well enough to work? (If things have changed, I didn't know, but still think they are taking the micky!) Even if you were working and earning a big wage, I think the 'pocket money' should stop as suggested above.
Good luck.

Lizx

They are earning money - whether fulltime or part-time pocket money stops as I would stop mobiles but as and when help is needed towards something then I would lend (particularly to the lad) if not paid back - then no more loans end of story. They are taking their father for a patsy especially the way they treat him.

G.son working nearly a year now - twice in that time he has been hit with a large car repair bill - first time only working 2 months and hadn't any money saved - had had to pay for suits for work and second time had just paid for his holiday. Did not put pressure on him to repay but gave him leeway - money paid back faster than we expected - returns from holiday tomorrow and I expect we will see at least half of money back by end of month pay day.

As I told him when he had repaid first lot - now if ever you need to borrow you may ask again.

Hi Jackie,

My eldest is 19, works full time and pays phone bill and internet as his board, second lad, 17, is in work but not great pay, he asks me to sub him, but i say i have to have it back, hes a bugger though.


Caz xxx

jackie, I agree whole heartedly with Liz. They are taking you both for a ride. Especially son who is working full time. Bet he is laughing behind your backs.

Ann
Glos

Once they start work, that should be it, but sometimes hard to tell Dad this XX

When they are both able to earn a bit on their own, I would still pay for there mobile phone service as long as it wasn't abused and pay towards so called "luxuries" if I had the money to do so no matter what age..

Good luck with this, no hard and fast rules really I guess it's a judgement decision as you know your own kids better than anyone..

Hi Jackie!!

I gave my eldest boy pocket money until he was 17, however he was in full time education and not working, also it was a silly amount like £2.50 a week into his account in the UK and €3 into his account in Ireland so he had a bit of spending money when he came over to visit as his Dad didnt give him much....The difference with him was that I knew he then had enough to get a small amount of mobile credit each month to stay in touch with us.

The girls both stopped getting pocket money when they started part-time work. I also expect them to hand over 10% of what they earn (after they were working 6months)...Some weeks its only €5 other weeks it more. It goes into a separate bank account in my name. Both are in full time education. They are now 18 and nearly 17. They pay for their own phones, make up and extra clothes. I do give them €20 a month to get essentials (knickers, socks etc) and any bargains they can pick up after that. Both have bought their own laptops from their earnings and the 18yo has bought, insured and taxed her own car. She paid for her driving lessons, test etc herself. She also just paid for herself to go on holiday to Sorrento. The nearly 17yo has money in thebank now to pay for her car, lessons etc, etc. They have the option of putting birthday money towards the lessons etc of course.

In August we are off to Staffordshire for a special event and I gave them the option of coming. They wanted to so they paid for their flites and accomodation.

I have got to say we dont have much money so cant afford to pay for much of what we would possibly like to but we do try and ensure they have something nice for their birthdays/Christmas etc. Although Kerry was 18 recently and I think I spent €300 (about £240) which is more than normal birthdays.

They will also occasionally take me for a coffee or a cider.

All of the kids help out in the house and have a 'Saturday' job, even Michael who is 10 hoovers the hall and tidies the shoe cupboard in order to earn his pocket money.

Dont know if this is of any help. I wouldnt be paying pocket money to any child working full time. I have warned mine that when they get full time work I will expect a much larger sum.

love Theresa

My son 16 whos just left school .. now has a full time job.
but he still thinks he should get 10 a week pocket money pmsl..
and yes i have still been giving it to him .
only coz hes saving to get his ped on the road.
which will be this month and i have said no more ..... and im gonna try and meen it
Rosex

dont quite know how i would look at that question only like to say that i would think it pretty strange if my 18yr old asked me for pocket money as i already look at them as men and women at that age,

xx

Tricky question.

It all depends on the kids really.

My older daughter has been at university and got no funding at all for her Master's degree. We paid all of that for a year (ie her tuition fees, accommodation, food ...the lot). She is now earning but not a huge salary yet so we have helped her out from time to time over the past few months.

The younger one left home two years ago and has been working full time. She has worked very hard indeed but paying all her own bills has not proved as easy as she thought it would. She has tried to be independent but needed some help recently (a problem not of her own making) so it seemed only fair to help her after having subsidised her sister.

Both girls are determined to pay us back and I know they mean that.

We did realise the other day though that the direct debit paying in a (small) monthly pocket money to each of them was still being paid so we'll be stopping that I think.

Sue

Just thinking Jackie, especially if they are not living with you, maybe it would be nice to explain why you have stopped, ie your financial circumstances and that instead you would like to arrange one night a month where you get together as a family, have a meal and a few drinks. Then you can feel like you are treating them.

If the 16yo is still in full time education I would still be paying a small amount of pocket money but not help towards the phone. I would expect her to budget her money for that.

My nearly 17yo asked me only yesterday, how much money she would need to bring over to Staffs. for food. LOL I explained we would cover that but if she was planning to drink I wouldnt cover that!!!

love T.x


I suppose to some I must sound like a tyrant....mmmm

Theresa, no you don't sound like a tyrant, I think young people need to learn to balance their budgets and the sooner the better, especially the way things are now. It makes it so much harder for them to cope if they have been having things on a plate for too long.
My o.h.'s sons are a prime example, older one is self sufficient now at 27 but younger one, 24, is still scrounging even tho he has swanned off to live in New York, he keeps sending hard luck stories and because his Mum and Dad don't talk much, they both end up sending him handouts which he never pays back. I am sure when he returns in November jobless and skint, he will expect to live at his Mum's again rent free, and the trouble is that altho her partner says no, she over rides that and gives in. She made a rod for her own back many years ago in never disciplining this lad and it has come back to bite her on the backside. He plays her for a fool and his dad too, and it has caused many arguments, even his older bro is losing patience with him.
Hard to stick to your guns, but has to be done.
Lizx

We have six kids once they started earning a "reasonable" wage the pocket money stopped. I think your two are enjoying their cake and eating it. It's a hard world out there and the sooner they learn that the better for them.

Norah

As a single parent and only the one (not very high), income coming in, I couldn't help my girls out.
The youngest went on to 6th form college, fortunately just as they brought in the £30 a week 'bribe'. She didn't need the bribe to go on to further education, but pocket money stopped. She paid her own way through uni, and then came back (with boyfriend ) to live between me and her fiances parents. She now now pays me a token amount each month. They pay her fiances parents nothing.

Eldest never went on to further education. When she started working, I took 1/4 of her wages as keep.

If either wanted mobiles, they had to get 'pay as you go' so they knew exactly how much they were spending. Occasionally I would buy them a 'top up', but that was as a favour - they certainly didn't expect me to pay their mobile phone bills - I couldn't afford a mobile as I paid for the land line!!!

Maybe I was a little harsh, but both appreciate how hard it was/is with one wage coming in. They're both with partners so are much better off than me now!!

It's deciding when they have reached the reasonable wage stage which is tricky.

Sue

I left school after getting my A levels and got a job just a month before my 18th so I could start paying board to my parents. Can't remember to be honest how much (it's a couple of years since I was 18) but I think it started at £100 pcm and increased a bit over time. And I did this til I left home when I got married when I was 21.

I think once you're earning yourself you shouldn't expect to get pocket money - getting helped out for something specific is different ( and my mum still does this for me now when I need it, for which I am utterly grateful) - even though I'm 22 now lol :o(

Furthermore, I think once children are old enough to do some chores - that don't end up with you having even more work to do to clean up after them - they should be *earning* their money. This is a good life lesson is it not?

Maria, poor old Maria in the poorest of poor depths of Yorkshire :o)) x x x x

Thanks Liz!!!

I suppose it has worked for us because the girls have saved to buy their own stuff. I am certainly not in the position to buy cars etc.

My son is a slightly different situation. He lived with his Dad after we moved here in 2002 but was never persuaded hard enough to start a part-time job (I am not even going to try and understand that situation). He went off to Uni last September and he didnt get a grant and only the minimum laon as his Dads earnings were too high. Sadly he has spent more time with me this year (well for his Dad not me!!) and has struggled financially. Thankfully he now has a part time job and will apply for this years grant through me. However, even he knows I havent got money to hand over. He has a small savings account over here that my Dad started for each of the kids before he died and he even knows I will not give him that. That money is towards a car or some other major expense, certainly not to bail him out if he gets stuck. If I did that he might be in a similar position next year and the money simply wouldnt be there....

I could strangle the little wotsit at the moment as I cant get him on the phone......He is probably working all the hours God sends (what is the situation with minimum wage and tax in the UK now, I am shocked at how awful it is) or has lost his phone again.....

love Theresa