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Having a moan before I pull my hair out!

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 12:59

Sorry, but I need to talk lol,

Ageing, it isn't fun! I've just come off the phone from a long call to my late mum's friend , lost her OH several years ago and isn't really coping ( I know, I've mentioned it before) and now her health isn't great and the doctors, nurses seem as useful as a chocolate teapot, she is worried about getting out to shop and pay bills, is fretful about bank security, all sorts, AND the 'gardener' is a con merchant in my opinion and because her grass is now long because he hasn't turned up for weeks wants to charge £140 to cut it :-| :-|

If you see a tired looking woman carrying a strimmer on the train between Shrewsbury and Merseyside or vice versa next week...it will be me lol.

Thankyou for listening, if you did lol, just venting...and coming to the conclusion it is no fun to be old but worse to be old AND alone, and even worse to be old, alone AND not used to dealing with things.

Merlin

Merlin Report 14 Jun 2013 13:07

Perhaps if she rang the CAB. they may know of some one or vollentry organisation who could do it for her. Or contact Errol The Sheep he seems to thrive on grass. :-D

wisechild

wisechild Report 14 Jun 2013 13:12

She needs to ask her GP to refer her to Social Services for help. Not necessarily Home Care, but other assistance.

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 13:30

Merlin, Wisechild,

I've been banging my head against this brick wall for two years now, the problem is she doesn't want anyone who could actually help, to be involved, eg no CAB, no social worker, no carer ( even to do the shopping, she's been relying on a neighbour to take her but he is now ill also) volunteers may be dodgy if not outright criminal (I've explained about the CRB checks).

Even the thought of having her pension paid into the bank so she doesn't have to get it out of the PO sent her into a flat spin, though I explained she could then direct debit all her bills, she would still need cash for shopping, bank's too far, and she wouldn't cope with a debit card and pin number.... and so round in circles we go and get nowhere fast.

+++DetEcTive+++

+++DetEcTive+++ Report 14 Jun 2013 13:39

Oh dear - £140 is deffinatley a rip off.

In our area there is a volunteers bureau - the gardening volunteers are made of genuine people with time on their hands, and youngsters who are supervised.

When enquiries were made a few years ago for an older 2nd cousin, they asked for £5 per visit.

If she won't accept anyone from an 'official' body, how about the local church? Help the Aged (or what ever their current name is) might be willing to help her with forms to see if she is entitled to assistance, and to take her to a day centre/luncheon club once a week.

It is possible to have a debit card with a signature only rather than the PIN number.

PatinCyprus

PatinCyprus Report 14 Jun 2013 13:39

Does she have a large garden?

An elderly lady with a large garden and a young father who lived in a council flat nearby came together in Nottingham.

He used part of the garden as an allotment, he kept all the garden tidy for her and she was able to have the vegetables she wanted from the crop. It worked very well.

:-)

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 14:00

Thankyou DET and Pat, I was just off googling what is available in her area, quite a lot at first glance including gardening. I will have to go up I think and try and persuade her to let me organise something.

Merlin

Merlin Report 14 Jun 2013 14:04

Perhaps if its possible for her to meet the people who would help her and set her mind at rest. Hope all works out well.**M**.

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 14:06

Thankyou Merlin :-)

ButtercupFields

ButtercupFields Report 14 Jun 2013 14:15

As someone who is old, alone, and not in good health, I have a small bit of sympathy with your friend, but only a small bit. The rest is for you, Rose, as I think you have been helping her in every way. possible in the last two years and she still doesn't seem to be coping. Did her husband always 'deal with things' ie writing cheques, paying bills etc? She probably misses him a lot and is foundering. I don't know what to suggest and the words 'get a grip lady' and 'pull yourself together' certainly did not leave my mouth :-D

I have just left a 100 year old woman (I used to work for) and when I left she was practising her scales as I reminded her she used to be a semi-professional mezzo soprano.. She had forgotten.

Ageing and alone does not have to be frightening or lacking fun. Your friend needs to practise her scales and you need to stop mothering her, Rose dear.

Sorry if my post is not helpful and sounds brutal

<3

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 14:44

LOL BC I have bitten my tongue 'a few' times to stop the words "pull yourself together" from slipping out, I know my mum, who was her friend for 40 odd years, would have let it slip by now, she was always very kind but slightly more impatient than me ( which is saying something lol).

But yes you have it one, I do 'mother', lame dogs of all sorts are my downfall, friends, strangers , dying pigeons, Oh God lol.

Yes her OH always handled the finances and bills, everything really, not a good idea and as they did everything together there is no 'fall back' on hobbies or other friends really, those that they had as a couple have seemed to disappear now she is alone.


wisechild

wisechild Report 14 Jun 2013 14:56

RR.
She sounds exactly like my mother was, not just refusing all help, but cancelling anything my brother or I arranged for her, then telling everyone how caring her nephews/grandchildren etc were when they stepped in.
The neighbours & the family were quite convinced that my brother & I never did a thing.
Has your lady got grandchildren, or other relatives who could perhaps give it a try?

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 15:14

Hi Wisechild, no unfortunately she has no family at all.

dopey06

dopey06 Report 14 Jun 2013 15:14

I do not know if they still do it ?

But perhaps Local Scouts would be willing to help out , for a small fee for their club ? <3 <3

I know you , but not personally , Rambling Rose , you have helped me several times with my Family Tree.

Shame I do not live anwhere near your mum . :-) <3

Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 15:25

Hello Dave :-) It's not my mum, it's one of her old friends.

The problem with scouts , if indeed they still do that kind of thing, is they wouldn't be
( legally) allowed to use a mower or strimmer.

Unfortunately I live quite a long way away and don't know people local to her who might be able to help.

Cynthia

Cynthia Report 14 Jun 2013 16:52

I'm just wondering if the doctors are as useless as they seem Rose? Could it be that your friend isn't taking the advice and support they offer - it does rather sound as though she has a stubborn streak.


As well as all the other good ideas given, would it be possible for you to voice your concerns at her surgery? I know there is data protection etc.etc. but.......at least you will have tried and raised the matter with them.


Other than that, you could, maybe, have a word with her local Adult Services team.


I quite agree though........old age is not funny for many people. :-(

George

George Report 14 Jun 2013 16:59

Get her to contact age concern, they will arrange someone to do her garden.

George :-)

DIZZI

DIZZI Report 14 Jun 2013 17:33

GEORGE I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT
,THEY USED TO HAVE A REGISTER OF VETTED
TRADESMEN DONT KNOW IF THEY STILL DO
BUT WORTH A TRY

Kay????

Kay???? Report 14 Jun 2013 17:51


Age Concern, she sounds like she could become a vunerable person if left to go it alone,they can sort out the most important aspects,



Rambling Rose

Rambling Rose Report 14 Jun 2013 18:05

Cynthia, the surgery is just across the road from her, and she has been there a lot over the years with OH so they know her, and that I think is the problem in a way as they are not looking past her bp for an answer.

Also has to be said, I know from a mutual friend of mum's,she can be a bit 'secretive' lol, as when she told the friend that she hadn't heard from me in months when in fact she was speaking to me every other day and told ME she hadn't seen anyone for weeks when in fact she was visiting the friend every week..... so I am wondering just how much of what she is telling me she is telling the doctor?

George, Dizzi I see the local age concern has volunteer gardeners and be-frienders, it's just a matter of convincing her to try it.