Genealogy Chat

thank you Jess :-)

When I was in hospital having my twins in 1990, there was a young unmarried mother in the next room who was giving her baby up for adoption. Her father would not have her home until she had got rid of her son. She was trying to write a farewell type letter. She really loved her little boy, but she was a child herself, without a supportive family. We talked about the life her child would have with parents who not only wanted him, but could give him a good life. She did not give up that baby lightly, but there was no way she could keep him. I admired her courage for wanting a better life for him. Please don't think badly of people who have made some tough decsisions, and done what they thought is best.

Hi Louise,my S/W is pretty good overall,but he also finds it quite a novelty with my adoption being England/Wales and we are both Scotland based,he is pretty disgusted with the reponses that have beensent back and has sent some strongly worded letters,backed up by my letter of complaint to the head of Family Law at the Lincoln Court,more so with the comments made to me on the telephone in the recent months. Apart from that thee seems little else we can do at present,but i suspect that regular pestering may come to the fore soon and try to make the court make some effort. I'm just waiting for the next feeble excuse,so far the court doesn't exist,then i was never adopted,then there was a fire,you just know that they have never even attempted to leave the comfort of the seat and even try. These same people would expect one of us to jump through hoops if they needed assistance we provide in our 'everyday' capacity. It's a waiting game,but sometimes patience wears a little thin. Glen

Hi Geln,, Hold on in there, I know some records must have been destroyed during the war, but unless the plane was 20 years late in your case ; O) they cant use that one on you. Like you say there seem to be an amzing number of fires at these records offices :O( think you may have to get tough now, you could threaten hiring a solicitor or going to the media, in view of the recent changes to the law these people should be making a real effort to help you, if they do not agree with these changes maybe they should change their jobs. Even if their are no SS records they should be able to trace your court records, my adoption was private and I still do not know who was involved however, my SW was able to trace my court records for me. They should have been involved if only to give a review on the prospective adoptive parents, so keep on at them, that a boy! Good Luck! Sheila

Know how you feel Glen, its so frustrating. Surrey have twice denied my existence in letters several years apart. Also spoke with them on the 'phone, and they had no record of me, or my sister, this despite the fact that I was sitting there holding the 'phone and reading out my adoption papers to them. Have not tried the Court yet, as I too currently live in Scotland, but we are moving to Wales next week, near the border, so it should be easier to chase things in person then. They could use the 'war excuse' with me as I was born in 1944, but the other one they like is the Local Govt. Boundary Reorganisation excuse. Echo the others, keep at it - Chinese proverb says 'the drop of water weareth away the stone' Eileen

Hi Glen, I suggest regular pestering as a good thing, normally the S/w are good, its the people further up who dont want to do the work, I am awaiting my file at the moment which has been found where I live, dont know why its here as theres only me in this area, unless there is someone previous that has tried to locate it & had to give up because I'm still alive, dont know if you know, other members can only locate if youre passed & they can prove they are a relative, so thats all I can think in my circumstance, any ideas from anyone else why my files got shipped to where I live, when theres 10 miles difference, could others be looking for me, Louise.

Afternoon or evening whichever it may be,I have taken a different route to my court records problem today,with some encouraging replies to some questions i posed. I contacted the Lincoln Social Services adoption team,asking how (apart from the court) i may find the agency that was involved. Within twenty minutes i had an e-mail response outlining what steps were available and dismissing the various excuses offered by the court to date. I replied with answers to the questions regarding my birth name and dates etc,and within the hour had a request for the address to which my records should be forwarded. Although the records haven't yet been located they should be kept in the same building as my contact in Lincoln,and she assures me the records from the time are readily available and have not been destroyed lost burnt or bombed. Here's hoping. Glen

Glen, there is a certain band of social workers who will tell you anything - like sheila says , the number ofthings that get destroyed in fires really beggars belief...funny no-one ever remebers the fires though! You keep digging there - the more adoptees they put off the less that have to do for their salary! My experience was actually straight forward and fairly painless ...until birth mother claimed records were wrong and she never had me, but that is another story jess

Hi Jess I do recall some of your experiences from previous posts. Fortunately this time it appears that i have the head of the department,and she is well aware of the Lincoln Court,having had requests similiar to mine several times in recent years. Whether i learn anything or not at least it feels like a constructive step. Glen

Glen i was told in scotland that mine were burnt and they weren't. They had been put on micro film and birth link helped me get access to them. Keep trying i am sure you will get there in the end. Best wishes Sandra

Hi all Just wanted to add that I have no trouble getting any of my papers (mind you I'm in Australia). The only frustration I had was knowing the right questions to ask so that the cousellor could legally answer. So I'm glad I am here. Reading your experiences on this thread sounds very frustrating. Good Luck to all of you. Annxx

Hello folks, Hope no one minds me popping in, but I do so enjoy reading about all your different experiences. What a lot of fires there seems to have been over the years, and always the same targets -do you think it's part of the training manual?? My friend, who was adopted in the late 1940's, was also told that her records has been destroyed in a fire - we believed the story, thinking she had just been an exceptionally unfortunate case. As she had been told her birth name and had a copy of her original birth certificate, we were able to locate and make contact with two birth aunts. Sadly her birth mother had died, but we were able to find out the circumstances of her birth and adoption so that my friend was able to come to a closure. Good luck to you all Jay

Hi Ann If you are there I have sent you a pm. Melisa

Hi All, MMmm where do I start. A few weeks ago I was told by my BM about my conception, unfortunately it was not what anybody wants to hear and with such terrible circumstances, who was my birth father will never be known. Well all that said, I have dealt with it and moved on and I am know back to my normal mental state for a while, which probably is not fantastic but I am used to it LOL. I email my birth cousin almost every second day for the last few weeks and have to say she is great and I am happy to have this communication with her, it has been a bonus out of this. Also I now have contact with my half birth sister and she is also quite nice, BUT last night I received an email from her and she asked me in amongst things, Has my Mum told you who your Birth Dad is yet ??? WHAT IS THIS ?? Have I missed something in my BM heart wrenching email explaining things to me, I have read it over and over again and I don't think so. My half birth sister is 29 years old and I am sure she knows the ' story ' or maybe there is more to it. I am confused to say the least, and know with all of you asleep in The Mother Country I will have the whole day at least to wait to get a response from my 1/2 BS asking her what she means !!! I am back on that roller coaster and after a little straight bit I am climbing up that big hill, will it be a big downhill ride or a little straight bit at the top, who knows !! Hi Glen It must be so frustrating for you, but maybe someone up above is looking out for you ! Thanks for listing to me prattle on Melisa

Hi Mel and everyone. Mel,i know exactly what you mean,my half bro didn't know who i was but knew all about me all in one e-mail,then he knew the name of my father and the sort of person he was etc,but can't tell me anything as he doesn't know!!!??? On a positive note i have just had an e-mail from Lincoln S/S.My records will be at my local office next week,why didn't i do that three months ago. Whether i learn anything new or not i won't know till i get them,but you never know. Glen

Helloooo All, Just a bit of advice really. I live in quite a small town but work for a local authority for a big city council. Would I need to contact the s/s serivces department of where I am living now? Or would the one where I'm working now do it for me? Or does it need to be the one in the Town where I was born? P.S. Does anyone know if Nottingham Manchester of Rossendale S/S departments have had fires like a lot seem to have had? Please and Thank you :)

hi all i contacted my local s/s which is in wales and she sorted getting my file for me which was in b,ham, good luck to every one trying to locate there files,it must be very fustrating,hang in there and dont give up hugs angie xxxxxxxxxx

Mel, after what you told me, that is an awful thing to happen- you dont think BM is covering up the truth rather than have you asking difficult Q's? - rather Q's that she has a probelm answering? It sounds as though t'other one knows something...or is SHE stirring the pot. how is her relationship with B/m? jess

hi everyone the snow in my part of canada is melting and a friend came to visit me and mentioned that she had read a great portion of a book and it included the following on being a parent as we had been discussing my adoption and finding out so late in lifeI thought I would share it with you all. What it takes to be a good parent having kids means taking care of them, raising them, loving and supporting them, and none of those things have anything to do with who makes them one night in the bedroom or the experience of being pregnant. I fopund this to be quite a good statement. Glen I wish you continued luck with your search and all the rest of you as well, I find it amazing that finding information from 3000 miles away went so well for me and that so many others are being put off by social workers does not make sense. regards to all dorothy barrie canada

Hi Mel, Any news from you HS yet, hope you are feeling a little better now. I do not think your sister is stirring things, she may genuinely not know the circumstances involved, give her the benefit of the doubt, but reckon the story is best coming from you BM than you. If you need to talk e.mail me :O) Rebecca As the other have said first contact is your local SS they will put your wheels in motion and hopefully locate your adoption records. With the possible exception of Eileen i do not believe these records have all been lost in fires, possibly mislaid though, however they should be able to track them down. If not at the very least they should be able to trace your court records for some info, Good luck to those waiting to view them. Louise maybe your records have been shipped to your local office as most of them are stored there now, when Nugents in Liverpool closed down, they shipped most files to an office a couple of miles from where my BS lived, but this was just coincedence. Ann Any more news from BF ? been in touch since ? Dorothy, I think some SW are great, but for some old habits die hard and they are human after all, not all may be in favour of you being able to trace you BF now, and they may not be so helpful along the way. Also there have been stories are files being destroyed by ' well meaning social and charity workers' along the way, guess they thought at the time they where doing the right thing, and never realised how things would change over the years :O( Take Care all Sheila