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OLDE CRONE RETURNS!!!! Time to journey home......

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 22:53

Olde Crone....are you doing ROAST parsnips (my favourite) or do you only have a ''bubble, bubble toil and trouble'' type cauldron to cook with? (apart from the barbie........OH........barbied parsnips?) Merry

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Dec 2005 22:54

Knife sharpener ? Gave my M -in-law a really naf Pound shop set in a beech wood block to ensure my safety, This year she is getting gift vouchers for the local funeral directors - hopefully she be considerate enough to pop off before they reach their expiry date. off again The holly and the EYE- veeeeeee when they are both full growwwwwwwwwwwwwwn of all the tree that are in the wood the holly bears the Crowwwwwwwwwwwn.

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 13 Dec 2005 23:13

(I think Jess has been tasting her home-made Baileys already) Now. This bl***** rudder. I have racked my brains but can only think of one thing to aid in the steering - when you want to go left a bit, then shift yourself and luggage to the front left hand corner of the box, and the same in reverse if you want to go right. You may need to practice a bit. (Are you sure the box hasnt gone a bit soggy? I too have a similar box in the garage for many years, 'Just In Case' , but on closer inspection, it has gone all sort of soft and I may have to consider chucking it - shame, I just know it would have come in handy for something, at some time.) As your steering is going to be a bit primitive, shall I arrange to cut all the phone lines and power cables down prior to your ETA? Don't want you getting tangled up in any overhead wires, especially as you will probably be wearing a damp Tena Lady by then - rubber pants, perhaps, as a Health and Safety Precaution (High Level Electrocution Hazard: Incontinent Traveller: Risk Level Three.) Oh, we have a local Bye-Law here - please do NOT jettison used Tena Lady from your barrage balloon, it attracts a hefty fine. Please use the specially-marked bins provided for that purpose. Just prodded the sprouts - they are doing just fine, we should be able to suck them through a straw by C-day. From the saucepan. Olde Crone

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 13 Dec 2005 23:24

Good job. You will have taken your dentures out for the nuts, remember? Merry

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 13 Dec 2005 23:29

Merry - yes - if I can find where I left them.... Olde Crone

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Dec 2005 23:36

We three twits from GR we are Bearing gift we'll travel from far Fields and fountain, Moor and mountain following Merrys car Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Star of wonder star of light Crone, she cooks the sprout tonight. Ski's are ready , roof box steady Guide us in -its late at night Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Gifts we'll bring to hand to our host, PO's and bog Roll , 'Pop' for the toast, Age-old Kumquats Rife with what- nots, Following Crones bright star OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Star of wonder star of light Crone, she cooks the sprout tonight. Ski's are ready , roof box steady Guide us in -its late at night OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 13 Dec 2005 23:41

Jess - PMSL! (Pass me that Tena, will you?) JESS - you are piffed - go to bed, right now, this minute! Olde Crone

Borobabs

Borobabs Report 13 Dec 2005 23:45

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES DELETE THIS THIS THREAD:: UP FOR THREAD OF THE YEAR AWARD::;;; your all nutters but bloody (opps) will I get away with that) BRILLIANT;; need Tenna lady reading this;;; Babs stop making me cough !!!

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Dec 2005 23:56

Oh Crone , how i wish i was........ On the first day of christmas , Merry sent to me. A box of naff toiletries on the second day of christmas Merry sent to me 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries On the third day of christmas Merry sent to me 3 Tena lady 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries On the fourth day of christmas Merry sent to me 4 Cracked old Po's 3 Tena lady 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries On the 5th day of christmas Mery sent to me Luuuuuuuuuuuuuunch at Crones 4 Cracked old Po's 3 Tena lady 2 squew - wards ski and A box of naff toiletries ...........to be continued

Brit

Brit Report 14 Dec 2005 02:56

I absolutely agree...THREAD OF THE YEAR!!! I haven't laughed so hard since F.C. got stuck in the chimney. Jess your lyrics are priceless!! Wish I could come to your party O.C.,but I don't think my broom would make it that far. Can you mail me some of that sprout soup you are cooking? In return I can send some slightly used crackers. The snaps don't work 'cos they got a bit damp in the shed, and the kids took the prizes out, but the paper hats and jokes should still be good. I will face NW and raise a glass of Baileys to you all on C Day. Merry One to all. Maggie

Macbev

Macbev Report 14 Dec 2005 04:26

Morning all, I had a good night's sleep, followed by a 'shop till you drop' morning. I was disappointed to find my shopping centre had opted for silver grey and lavender as their C- colour scheme. What happened to good old red and green? Don't tell me THAT has become politically incorrect too!! Now that we have Bev's mum sorted, I can concentrate on MY pressie list. (PS -can I put my hand up for the cherry stoner -I need it to do our olives) I ,too, have foot toiletries to offer,mint scented, with a lot of pumice stone for those with serious problems - BUT...... ..........wait for it........ if any one is interested in a Vibrating.............. Massage Pillow (2XAA batteries required, not included in the offer) AND a Vibrating Foot Warmer (batteries ditto), I have one of each . Not quite as exciting, but there is a shelf full of inpirational literature, in mint condition, that my daughter-in-law gives me every year. Then, to add tone to the evening's entertainment, I have 'Elaine and Derek, favourite hymns for children', 'C- is ...Johnny Farnham' and a Readers Digest 'Popular Music That Will Live Forever' in a set of 10 -all good old traditional LPs. Thanks for the landing directions -will look out for the twinkling lights. (Taking inspiration from more talented songstresses as I dip into the c- Spirit, tra-la) Six white bloomers, snow white bloomers, Winging off to Cornwall in search of funnnnnnnnnnn Six white bloomers, wet white bloomers, From Bev's Australian runnnnnnnnnnnnnn Beverley from Perth, (the wrong one)

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Dec 2005 07:24

You're into vibrators then Bev .........................? Bev x PS Morning, I've just got up and am off for a day's shopping.

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 14 Dec 2005 09:34

As people may not be able to hear Jess' lyrics whilst she's in the towing roof box (behind my commode on skis), I thought I should add some of my own: While Olde Crone watched her sprouts by night All seated round the TV The lid of the commode fell down And we all had a pee 'Fear not,' said she, for mighty dread had seized our troubled minds 'The sprouts are done and here's your straw' Oh isn't she most kind! Merry

The Bag

The Bag Report 14 Dec 2005 09:41

What is the theme at Crones then? Old and dusty isn't it? so here it is, Cronies christmas Everybodys having fun Look to the future no Lets get the the brussels duuuuuuuuuuun * This thread must be on borrowed time, surely?

Phoenix

Phoenix Report 14 Dec 2005 13:41

I've been practicing reversing and 3 point turns on the hospital bed. Luckily, the left over parsnip soup is as good as superglue and all the wheels are back on the wagon. Bev&kev Bev, where are you? I have my late, sainted pa's legendary sense of direction (brain like a compass, he would say as we sailed through Epsom for the third time) so I'm taking no chances. I shall head for the coast and follow the sun. As the party seems a little light on alchohol, I shall be bringing some precious bottles, coated with dust and cobwebs. What do you say, will twenty litres of elderberry wine be enough? I won't be singing carols on the way, you will be relieved to hear. Every county we shall pass through contains the bones of one ancestor or another, so I shall beguile the journey by reciting the pedigree of each one at extreme length. Now I wonder if the Crone lives near the cliff where one rellie died: tugged over the edge by a brace of greyhounds? Shall I wear something distinctive, so you recognise me?

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 14 Dec 2005 14:38

I don't think you need anything distinctive............. That sounds like sufficient wine. I have some of those liqueur chocolates that have gone all grainy inside and taste more like granny's bubble bath/bath cubes. I shall bring a packing case full. Merry

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Dec 2005 16:53

I've been shopping .............................. and overcome with guilt for not contributing anything towards the do, I found a slightly aged jar of gherkins - I'm not sure if they've gone off or they're meant to look like that ..................... Half a bottle of £1.2s 6d cherry brandy (the price ticket is still on it!) Turkish Delight - the proper stuff that tastes of perfume with the consistency of rubber in that round wooden box with the squiggly writing on (it'll go down well with bubble bath liquers!) And best of all ........ some cooked turkey, still lurking in the back of the freezer from last year! Do I have to get you all presents .......? Bev x

TinaTheCheshirePussyCat

TinaTheCheshirePussyCat Report 14 Dec 2005 17:46

A few random thoughts that occured to me while I was at work: Merry - I am worried about your huskies. It will be fine if it snows, but suppose it doesn't? (Global worming and all that! - those worms get everywhere). Pounding down the tarmac of the M6, M5 or whatever is going to do their poor little pawpads no good at all. I think you should knit them all little woolly bootees, just in case. Olde Crone - in order to speed Merry and Jess on their way, and ease the lot of the poor huskies (you do have kennelling for them at your place I take it) - it occurs to me that if you sent Merry some of the sprouts through the post it might help. Picture it, Merry, on skis with Jess in the roofrack side car, towed by huskies. Merry in typical downhill skier stance. Now, if she had a generous helping of sprouts before they set off, it could act as a sort of turbo-rocket, if you follow my gist. I had wondered if the same scheme might help my balloon powered box, but the only way I could get the turbo-thrust in the right direction would be to perch on the edge of the box, legs dangling down inside, leaning slightly forwards - I think it might just tip up and send me earthwards rather sooner than intended. Shall have to rethink that one. Oh, also Olde Crone, thank you for the steering suggestion, but I fear that much the same tipping effect could result from me and all the provisions in the same corner of the box at once. However, I think I have devised a rudder. Rummaging round in the garage for more comestibles to bring with me, I came upon my old tennis racquet. Now, you have to understand that this has not been used for at least 40 years, and is therefore of the sturdy, well-made, wooden type. None of this ultra-thin metal stuff weighing less than an emaciated feather. No, this is the type that build up the biceps - well, it's stood me in good stead all these years. I realise that a rudder with holes in is no ruddy good, so as we speak I am covering the strings with layer upon layer of papier mache. I shall then insert the handle into the box through a strategically placed low cut hole, and voila - no longer rudderless. Anyone got a map? Tina

TinaTheCheshirePussyCat

TinaTheCheshirePussyCat Report 14 Dec 2005 18:44

Anyone fancy goose for lunch on C........ day? I saw some flying south this morning, and I have found an old butterfly net in the garage. I'll try and bag one on my way down. Tina

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 14 Dec 2005 19:01

As I don't think the Royal Mail deals in parcels of warm sprout soup, I am making my own version with a bag of frozen sprouts and a Vindaloo from the local curry house. Thought I would mix them together and then leave them in the warm kitchen for the 10 days or so......that should get the mixture fermenting nicely, all ready to be consumed on C-day Eve......... Might have a few fizzy lagers to wash it down too. Merry