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OLDE CRONE RETURNS!!!! Time to journey home......

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Jean Durant

Jean Durant Report 14 Dec 2005 22:47

Girls, The Comedy Awards are on tele. They can't hold a candle to you lot. I can't remember the last time I laughed as much. You are all absolutely brilliant. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. Jean x.

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 14 Dec 2005 22:48

Merry - no, you have only missed LAST C-day, not this one, sorry. I cannot help in the world navigation stakes I am afraid, as my sense of geography and direction is rather faulty - my beloved used to regularly remark that I could not find my a*** in the dark with both hands tied behind my back. However, I remember from school that the Earth revolves once a day, so if its going the wrong way, just hold on tight, it'll go round again - set off early though, in case you miss it twice - how tedious, just like the sliproad to Exeter on the A30 - miss it and the next left turn is somewhere in Scotland. The flares will be a help, I think, although these may accidentally trigger the Lifeboat if they bang as well as flare. Still, either way, the noise will send a huge squawking cloud of seagulls into the sky, which you should certainly be able to see from France. Olde Crone

Merry Monty

Merry Monty Report 14 Dec 2005 22:50

Joy MM Kentish M - We are all invisible, half the time, on here! I can collect the C-day tree as I live nextdoor to the New Forest. Mind you, the part near me is practically treeless, so it might have to be a couple of bits of brown bracken.....hope that's OK??. Little Red Ridinghood would never have been rescued by the woodcutter around here......no trees to cut! Merry

An Olde Crone

An Olde Crone Report 14 Dec 2005 22:59

Joy - invisibilty is a Good Thing, as far as threads like this are concerned! Olde Crone (fully expecting a c- present of six weeks suspension from the Site any minute now. Mind you, perhaps the serial complainers, those who have a LIFE, are so busy getting on with it, we have escaped their radar?)

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 14 Dec 2005 23:00

Near the New Forest?? What about hitching up a deer or two to help the huskies? We could decorate their antlers at Olde Crone's if she didn't approve of the bracken, ( which would make a lovely crackle on the garden fire anyway)

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 14 Dec 2005 23:04

Joy Can you train deer to keep going in the right direction?

Joy Kentish Maid

Joy Kentish Maid Report 14 Dec 2005 23:05

I can train nothing BUT I can add silly threads............ several now :-)

Joy Kentish Maid

Joy Kentish Maid Report 14 Dec 2005 23:06

oh dear: 3 now on first page of tips!!!

Unknown

Unknown Report 14 Dec 2005 23:16

Don't know much re. geographical stuff, but we see the sun first so Santa definately visits us before you guys. . Actually the Antarctic and New Zealand are first in line, but since the arctic is only populated with penguins, polar bears and mad conservationists and most of the population of NZ -baaaing the sheep- are here anyway we'll consider Aus Santas first stop. Don't know what I'm worrying about anyway, I'm sure in this day and age Santa has GPS navigation onboard the sleigh. Old Crone, can't bring a tree with me, but I do have a tupperware full of dried cranberries we can string up and use for decoration. And I also have a huge collection of C- design tea towels, oven mitts and aprons sets that the MIL and SIL (great minds think alike) give me every year. They must be of some use. Perhaps the mitts can be used on Jess' springers ears so they don't get frostbite.

Phoenix

Phoenix Report 15 Dec 2005 01:35

If I travel via Kew, I could pick up a swan for x lunch, and how about a Wellingtonia from the gardens? Not that you want to upstage the neighbours, but if you could find a large fairy to sit on top, she could help navigate in those arriving by air.

Macbev

Macbev Report 15 Dec 2005 01:56

Out and about again -hard work holding a window of communication open with you lot Up Over. I have 8 hours start on C- was planning to follow the Fat Man and his six white bloomers as he heads north. I have my school atlas out as I type -the one where 'the sun never sets' and all the important places are coloured in pink. I'm not bad at navigation (modest smirk) ,as I used to read the maps for our MG rallies and the only hard bit was getting the driver (husband) to believe me when I said 'turn here'... but this is going to be different. For starters, I'll have to stand on my head to read the map when I get over the equator -and the b****y bifocals slip around something awful when they're upside down . If I wear an orange road worker's vest and carry a beacon, can someone get me if I overshoot the mark and land in the Bristol Channel? I think the brandied comquats will probably go down a treat with the huskies -after all, they are protein-enriched. I'd be more concerned about them coming up a treat. I have some party lights I can bring for decorations. I don't know which of the bulbs are blown, but maybe we could turn it into a party game -put your finger into this socket (fzzz), that socket (fzzz) now this one, Jess (owww) -THAT's the one! I'll bring some replacement bulbs. I even have some international power adaptors so we can hook into your National Grid. Have to get ready now for my Mah Jong C- party, which I am hosting (need to scrub out the loo before the girls get here) but will look in on the thread from time to time in case any of you lot get out of bed sometime soon. Bev-on-her-head-in-Perth

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 02:41

Macbev!!! You're in Perth. Maybe we can meet halfway (Ayers Rock) and go together. Are you going to Ians Perth meet first? I've had a warning regarding the fat mans sleigh. It's been suggested I would need to strap my chin in place because of the speed involved. Unless of course you don't mind having jowls competing for space in your bra cups. Not sure about Santas skills in following navigational directions either, but if we bypass him and go straight to the reindeer (after all they are female) we should be right. Hmmm! Just hope Santa doesn't feed the reindeer too much roughage-or Indian curry-before the journey. We don't won't to arrive looking or smelling too out of sorts. Rebs x

Macbev

Macbev Report 15 Dec 2005 02:50

Hi Rebs' I just checked my school atlas (1954 ed.) and it looks to me as though the most direct route to Cornwall is straight over the Indian Ocean - Ayers Rock is a bit of a detour. Tell you what, though -I can linger at the Quokka Arms at Rottnest Island for a bit while you catch up (where are you , by the way?). There is ab-so-lute-ly NO chance of my jowls fitting into my bra cups. They are already filled to overflowing with my sexy bits. The jowls will just have to take their chances. Bev-taking-a-break-from -cleaning-the loo-in-Perth-upside-down

jumarcat

jumarcat Report 15 Dec 2005 07:16

pmsl.... would love to come. have some cheap baileys type stuff thats watered down when its made, so it doesnt curdle.... luxury. can pinch left overs from works xmas dinner last mon. we still have chicken soup and soggy roasters left. can easliy find some odd socks to help the huskies along. cut a hole in the middle of the box and fit in a funnel. sit on the funnel, no falling out over the side , and i reckon you'd have double turbo power, you might even reach outer space. will see if i can find my unwanted secret santa pressies . A flashing belly button sticker, a half bottle of vodka (cheap stuff) and a tube of Nelsons sprains cream.(last years secret santa pressie from work) Gods honest truth........ (i dont even drink) other than the obligitory baileys as this time of year to numb the only nerve i have left. Cant give blood this time of year in resonse to the seasonal campaign as i am a potential mad cow. (had a blood transfusion in 86 and am now banned in case it gave me mad cow disease) what about the ones who manage it all by themselves? victimised am i. dog looks cute in flashing santa hat (daughter took photo of such) If i cant find you till summer he looks equally cute in t shirt and sun glasses (same daughter at it again) Probably wont be able to be there in bodily form, but will send some of my tena lady to you as an emergency supply. dont try the new loo roll with balm, it biodegrades as you use it!!! with you in spirit...... and will probably be able to wish you a good one on the day when they have all retired to their own pits.

The Bag

The Bag Report 15 Dec 2005 07:20

Blimey- when this party started it was quite a select affair - is growing into something the size of an international convention. I hope Crones sofa can stand the strain- guess we'll have to take it in turn to sit on the aforementioned sofa. I have a couple of those cant-get-them-up-without-trapping-your-fingers chairs which are lightweight and will probably fit in the roof box without too much of a problem. Am knitting Bobbin's woolly ear warmer aswe speak - being Liver and white, the red will be quite fetching, ears in or out is her greatest concern at the moment - when one has these assets they really neeed to be displayed, not encased in a red woolly balaclava. jess x

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 08:53

Having now gained an 'orrible cold, I'll be bringing a few germs along with me, but no matter, it'll get you a week off work once the festivities (?) are over. If you really want to go back to work after C however, I will wear a face mask ......................... Bev x (feeling sorry for herself and sniffing) PS I'll ask again, DO WE HAVE TO BRING PRESENTS??

Gwyn in Kent

Gwyn in Kent Report 15 Dec 2005 09:26

I've just been cleaning out a cupboard and would like to donate a bottle of ?????? ( Sorry, it's all in French, and O level was a long time ago) It is possibly some sort of oil? and has very colourful floating shapes in it and a small twig, - also some sunken somethings but I won't dwell on those..... What I can read is that it is 'pour pizzas, salades et barbeques' so I immediately thought of Olde Crone's party. Half has gone but there should be enough to give the barbeque that certain... 'je ne sais quoi'. Gwyn

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 09:46

Rebs .......................... I don't want to put a damper on your excellent plans, but just so as you know, RUDOLPH (the reindeer) is actually male ..... I think ...... not that I've actually checked round his nether regions ..... but if the names anything to go by ........ Unless of course, he's on the Trying to Find Board when of course, Rudolph (like Stuart) could very easily be a girl's name! Bev x

Vicky

Vicky Report 15 Dec 2005 10:18

I think Rudolph is female, please don't get all PC with her name. (useless bit of trivia coming up) male reindeer have usually lost their antlers by Xmas, females keep them for another couple of months. So it its still got antlers, you don't need to look at its nether regions.

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Dec 2005 10:20

So what prat decided to call HER Rudolph then??? Bev x