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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Unknown

Unknown Report 12 Mar 2005 21:11

new update.... RU sittin comfortably? Guy only kept me waitin a mere 45 mins! not that I was counting!! He was very understanding about my situ. don't no why but I told him who I was. He was lovley and very welcoming. He gave me a couple of phone numbers to try incl. a guy who knew everything about everything. So i get on the phone to 'jazzy' and he knew all about me! Take a moment to register...He knew all about me.. Jeez.. I can't believe it. I told him that mum didn't give me much to go on about my dad. Straight away before I could ask him he said another name. Believe it or not another Phil !!! This is definately him he assured me. Only trouble was there was 2 of them on the scene. One from Swinton and no idea about the other one! Mind numb by this stage.. Sounds a lovely guy. Promised to keep in touch with both of them. Then on a hunch I phoned D**** (mum's best male friend) Told him what had happened and he had never even thought of asking 'Jazzy' but it would make sense as he was always taking photos of the gang. Jazzy even went out with mum for a very short while not long after coming home from Derby. One night she broke down terribly and told him that she had regretted giving me up for adoption since the day she handed me over. How I prayed to hear those words. I wasn't that nasty deep dark secret at all. I was wanted not only by my birth family all these years but by my mum more importantly. I then phoned cookie to tell her what I'd found and ended up giving support to her ready for tonight. She is meeting her baby's partner for the first time. I'm now also trying to locate her husbands birth rellies too. I can't keep up! I have found 2 entries for this new Phil born and registered exactly a year apart! one from Darlington and the other from London city. the puzzle continues.... I have found more new friends two of which I wil meet tomorrow and I can't wait. Jazzy has some photos of mum. Can't wait to see them.. I've not been off the phone since then til now. My aunty Chris wanted to be the first in the long line of people wanting to meet me. I'm so grateful to them all. Thankyou for everything. Jules xxxx

The Bag

The Bag Report 12 Mar 2005 22:23

Hey Jules. excellent news. Just don't try to take on too much at once or you'll get overwhelmed, one thing at a time and don't expect too much sorry, i am a pessimist - expect only a little and then anything is a bonus. WELL DONE THAT WOMAN! jess xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 13 Mar 2005 06:50

Hi guys, yes you guessed it! Another update! After I left the last msg the phone started again. My Aunty had spoken to Jazzy again and you will never believe this but........... the new last name for my dad is probably an alias to make him sound cool as a DJ! Could only happen to me I swear !! Could this be a sign to leave well alone? Well I'm not. I'm like a woman on a mission. There are many strange occurances happening around me and my birth family just now. You may or may not believe in this sort of thing but I have heard a woman say hello Jules thru the baby monitor. That is just for starters. Ask Joan if you don't believe. I've told her everything that has been going on. It seems to be my mum, grandad and possibly great grandad apparently. I can't and won't give up til I find you dad. It's not a threat but a promise. thanks for your support guys. Stay strong and stay positive. Jules

The Bag

The Bag Report 13 Mar 2005 19:26

any more news Jules? - thinking of you - jess

Unknown

Unknown Report 13 Mar 2005 21:11

hi all, Just got in from another eventful and emotional day. First and foremost I have told my adoptive mum that I have my adoption file and that I have sent a msg to who is my uncle S**** and told her that he has replied givin his family tree. I can't just come out and tell her that I found the family 7 weeks ago. They can't handle this situ at the best of times. my adoption and my need to search has always been taboo. I have slowly let them know little snippets of info re: other adoptees on their search and my helping them. Things are now at the stage where they know that I'm almost there. It's like being on a knife edge. I feel sick just thinking about it. Anyway, today I have been and met D*, mum's best male friend. Even though he his a biker he is a sound guy. It was as though I had known him all my life. His wife and daughter are lovely too. Unfortunately he can't remember much at the mo. After all it's 31 years ago. Mum got together with my dad when D* was settling down with his girlfriend. D* never met my dad from what he remembers. If he did, he wasn't one of the gang. That he is sure of. D* was back on the scene 5 months later and dad was long gone. The rest is history. D* and his wife H is going to ask around and keep in contact. Again I have made more friends. They want to keep in contact with me and have given me an open invitation to ring and call round whenever I want to. Nan has found a suitcase full of photos for me to look at while hubby cookin tea! Had to laugh at my mum. She had a nasty habbit of cutting people out of photos if they fell out of flavour with her. It's funny to see. You'll be having a nosey and finding out who everyone was and laughing at everyone's barnett and then there's another one with a ruddy hole in it! As I think back, I used to do that. My habbit didn't last long only a few months or so! Then my Aunt passed me a sympathy card. She didn't want me to get upset but I couldn't help it. It was a lovely card of many. People couldn't believe that mum had died 4 days before her 25th birthday. It was so quick. I couldn't help but cry. I tried not to. I didn't want to upset my Nan. She was already upset as it was the anniversary of Granddad's death today and will be her birthday tomorrow. At the grave (mum, great gran and grandad together) NAn said to Grandad 'George how could you leave me the day before my birthday?' Nan feels guilty that she never said bye to him when he went out that day. We've had a lot of laughs today and also some tears. I have brought some photos home so I can copy them and take the mick out of my uncles !!! I have got all the sympathy cards to read. I'm going to read them as soon as I finish this msg. I may go quiet for a bit. Thanks for all your support guys. It means a lot to me. Will keep you up to date. Take care Jules xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 14 Mar 2005 21:18

Feeling a bit ''well, was that it?'' about Birth half brother that i traced this time last week. His B/m Rang me and filled me in on lots of bits and pieces last monday evening and then his wife rang me last Tuesday, and was on the phone for ages/ She promised me that HE did want to know and it wasn't just her that was interested and that he would ring me One week on Nothing- I have his phone number but did say to his wife that i would leave it for him to ring me........... Am i expecting too much too soon? jess

Sheila

Sheila Report 14 Mar 2005 22:16

Hi Jessbow, For what its worth I think you should give it a bit more time, we each have to make contact with each other when we feel comfortable about it, maybe he has to think things through, before he can feels ready to speak to you. (besides being a man, you know things will take longer ;O) I know its hard but you have been in touch with his mother and his wife, think you have to leave the ball in his court now, and hopefully he will be in touch soon. Take Care and try to keep your self busy, and hopefully you will be on her soon telling us he has been in touch!! Sheila

The Bag

The Bag Report 15 Mar 2005 22:36

Bumping for Joan on the night shift Jess x

Unknown

Unknown Report 15 Mar 2005 22:50

Hi Jess, Men are strange creatures. They will generally take longer to sort out their heads than us women! Just hang on in there and he should get in contact within the week. If not you could always phone to chat and become good friends with his wife instead. try not to panic too much and stay away from the phone! No point in telling you to stay busy I suppose but it will help. My head is all over the place waitin for that phone to ring. It only makes you ill and frustrated. If you need a chat give us a yell. Take care Jess, it'll all work out in the end. Jules

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 16 Mar 2005 01:50

Thanks for bumping Jess. Have to have something to read in the early hours.

The Bag

The Bag Report 16 Mar 2005 09:44

From what half bro's wife said it seems that he has quite a lot of 'issues' surrounding his life., not least about his father. His wife kind of set me a challenge to find something out for them about HIS mother - which i have been unable to do. (it isn't an issue involving me). Feel a bit as though i've let him down before i've even spoken to him. jess

Unknown

Unknown Report 16 Mar 2005 10:37

Jess, You haven't let anyone down. If the info isn't there, it isn't there. That's not your fault. Fancy setting you that task anyway when it could go pear shaped! Just hang on in there. It will all work out. He obviously has serious issues over his adoption etc but if he isn't willing to open up about it then there's not much else you can do but wait i'm afraid. I know that isn't much comort but it's the best I can come up with. He needs to realise that he's not alone with his feelings. We all have issues about being adopted. This thread is my life line as it is to many of us. Many of us just read what's written as they feel they can't write their feelings down. I used to just read myself and felt as though I wasn't worthy of writing. It all boils down to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being ridiculed fear of facing your demons. If you ever need to chat off thread don't hesitate to email me direct. You're not alone and we will help you all we can. Chin up missus. Sendin big cyber hugs to you. Jules

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 17 Mar 2005 18:19

nudge

The Bag

The Bag Report 17 Mar 2005 20:31

I have heard it said today that the fact that adoptees do not have open access to their files is 'patronising'. As i understand it everyone is entitled to their file when they ask for it. Why do people not understand that what is contaned in those files affects more than just the adoptee? As a rule of thumb i would say 18 is about right - certainly i wouldn't have coped any younger and would bet that the majority of adoptees don't want to know until much later than that. jess

Unknown

Unknown Report 18 Mar 2005 08:22

Update Hi guys, The plot thickens! Spoke to my friend Joan (from my folks) and she came up with what could possibly be a logical name for my Dad. don't know why I didn't think of it myself. Must be blind! Anyone remember a certain programme starring a certain rodger who played James Bond? . Just think back to the 70's and what tv series he starred in! The S**** with his white car and funky man on the bonnet! Need I say more? OK, so now what we have to do is put Rodger's last name against my Dad's name of Phil and we could have a name! Does this make sense? If not email me direct and I will try to explain. All this effort to find a man who probably won't want to know me anyway. The way I see it, it will be his loss not mine. Still, I have to give him a chance to prove me wrong. Hope you all are ok. Jules xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 18 Mar 2005 08:46

Sorry Jules , missed the H**** - Thought you were the illegitimate daughetr of James Bond!! i need to spend less time on here and watch more uk Gold repeats! Jess xx lol at my own stupidity!

Donna

Donna Report 18 Mar 2005 12:08

hi everyone who is on this thread i know what you are all going through i also was addopted and made contact with my birth farthers side ,my dad died when i was little and my mom she married and her self and her husband addopted me ,i was told that my birth dad did not want to know me it took me a lot of years to pluck up the courage to go and search for my birth family thanks to everyone on the addopted thread i decided to go and search a lady on genes karen who i am really gratefull to managed to find where my dad was buried and i went and put some flowers on his grave with a note asking permission off his family to leave them and a contact number with my details on if they would likee to contact me . that was before christmass i was not expecting to hear from them but on sunday night i had a phone call from my dads brother saying that he knew of me and that i had got a big family who wanted to meet me and apparantly my dad was searching for me before he died but was not aware that i was addopted so he never found me ,my uncle promised to ring me last night but he never did i do not know what to do now whether to wait or telephone him , what would anybody else do lots of love donna xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 18 Mar 2005 12:14

Give him a little while,it maybe something as simple as he was late home from work, or simply forgot. Were you mother and B/F ever married? jess

Donna

Donna Report 18 Mar 2005 12:21

hi jess you are probably right it could be something simple have you had any look with your brother ringing you , i bet it is hard waiting you know where they are but you have to be patient and let them do all the running around my uncle said i have got three sisters who want to know me ,its been 35 years to get this far i surpose a couple of days won't matter love donna xx

Donna

Donna Report 18 Mar 2005 12:27

jess i forgot to say my mom and birth dad was not married so she says she never needed his permission as he was not on the birth certificate so when she married she had to addopt me to change my name , i feel sorry for my birth dad trying to find me and not knowing that i was addopted it is such a shame that i will never know him but with finding his family perhaps i will find out about him love donna xx