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narcissistic mothers

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 2 May 2008 17:30

I never missed a day at school, it was the safer place to, even the teasing at school was preferable to being at home.
I didnt realise until I read that how it shapes your whole life.
It answers why I allowed my children the freedom to be themselves, at least they are well balanced. It explains why Christmas and birthdays are 'nt high in my list of special days.I just wish it hadn't taken so long to undo. Pull up a couch ! .

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 May 2008 17:53

You were brave to have children.All I knew of childhood was my own and I was not about to experience that again from the other side.
Talking of birthdays.I once bought her a pair of trousers for her birthday which proved to be too small.Rather than take them back to the shop to exchange for a larger pair she decided to take them apart to alter them.They never were re-assembled.
I was the ungrateful little bu**er who neither appreciated what was done for me nor looked after what was bought for me!I thought of that as her prayer,it was chanted that often,and would silently add oh merciful redeemer etc.

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 2 May 2008 18:00

Wrong colour, wrong shape, ah well give it to someone else!
The hardest person to shop for, last year she gave her sisters Christmas present, a pretty indoor fountain, to a neighbour who admired it 3 days later !
Oh and dont forget, when I die dear, all this will be yours, sweeping gesture !!!!

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 May 2008 18:05

And don't forget,you'll be sorry when I'm gone.I can tell you that you will not.You have already done your mourning for what might and should have been!Mine left me a house full of tat from floor to ceiling that has,to date,taken me twelve years to sort through,and I'm still not grateful!

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 2 May 2008 18:12

Shall I order a large skip in anticipation! I can tell you there is a lifetimes collection of family photos with the faces cut out of people she disliked !!
My Gran was just as bad she had all her siblings drowned at sea or killed at war. Some kind soul sent me a photo of her 75 year old brother, and all his offspring ! So it goes back a long way.!

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 May 2008 18:21

My cousin was vile to one of her children too.She was not so much younger than my mother who was born to a forty-eight year old couple.Because of something else I have found out I think my grandfather may have something to do with this.The family all fall out with each other and are fuelled by strange petty jealousies.Must be a family tradition.

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 2 May 2008 18:26

Since nobody else has joined this thread I wonder what their reaction is ? Not so much beatings or cruelty, but slow insidious undermining, eroding all sense of self worth . This made me the odd kid, not really fitting in and still struggling.to deal with it.

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 May 2008 21:10

Had my tea.I know just what you mean about struggling to fit in.Always looking for the slight.I was fat too,and very good at school work,all the things to put you at a disadvantage.
I think maybe people are not joining in because they can't believe it.Well nobody has believed us yet have they?If you haven't lived it it must be hard to accept that it happens at all,after all you have never seen it happen and,if you have had a proper childhood it must be a very distressing thing to read about.

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 2 May 2008 21:34

Well its doing me a power of good!!,
yes fat all right, food was love, and if you didnt eat it,it was served up for every meal until you did, or my face pushed in it.for being so ungrateful..
I have a strange relationship with food as a diabetic I have to eat, even when I'm not hungry, so its all much the same.
And I had to be in bed before Dad got home so she could tell him how bad I'd been first.

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 2 May 2008 21:42

I believe everything you are saying - just can't add anything that would help. I think you have done wonders to survive these dreadful people.
Sue

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 May 2008 21:49

Thank you SueMaid.Did you realize these dreadful people existed before this?Have you read the article?Can you understand why we find it so hard to put it into words?I posted initially because I was so delighted to have found it written into something cohesive.

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 2 May 2008 21:56

Sharron, I do recognize the personality - I wrote about my FIL's second wife on page 1 of this thread. Never had a name for it. The article was enlightening and even more so the things you and Lindsey have written. The witch had 3 daughters of her own. Two wouldn't have anything to do with her and the 3rd daughter was the golden girl. She disowned her two sons because they married "the wrong girls". The family loved it when she married my FIL. I believe he died to get away from her. Sounds funny but it wasn't. We walked up to the front door one day to hear her tell FIL that he was useless, weak and no good to her because he was sick. She almost accused him of getting cancer to spite her. When we knocked on the door she was all smiles. She hated the attention he got from his family and would make up illnesses to try for more attention. I'm sorry to say I hated her for bringing down a good man. To her neighbours she was a sweet old lady whose family let her down and treated her miserably.
Sue xx

°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º Little Nanna Lynn °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°

°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º Little Nanna Lynn °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º° Report 2 May 2008 21:59

and you know how i feel Sharon, i have lived and still am living the life

Just finding it a little too hard and emotional to join in at the moment,

It is hard for those who have no idea of the horrors of this to comprehend,

hugs for you and all that have suffered at the hands of a parent

xxLynnxx

Fiona aka Ruby

Fiona aka Ruby Report 2 May 2008 22:06

I'm speechless. It all sounds really awful. I don't know how any of you have stayed in one piece. Well done to any 'Mommy Dearest' survivors.

Jenxx

Jenxx Report 2 May 2008 22:08

Dear Linsey and Sharon
I have been reading your posts
Please dont think no one is interested in this thread
it is so sad,
not experienced it myself so would'nt know what to say
I am glad you have found other peeps to talk to
I am sure that will help in some way
Love and ((((hugs )))) to you all
JENxxxx

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 2 May 2008 22:08

Do these dreadful people ever have a clear moment when they realize the damage they are doing or do they always think they're in the right?
Sue

°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º Little Nanna Lynn °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°

°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º Little Nanna Lynn °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º° Report 2 May 2008 22:12

They never admit they have been anything other than a perfect parent im afraid,
I have tackled my mother on several occasons only to hear, " how dare you " you had a wonderful upbringing i was a good mother,
It will always be my fault, because to her, i am a dreadful evil woman,
But i know, like lots do, that i am not,

xxLynnxx

Sharron

Sharron Report 2 May 2008 22:13

Innit good to get it all out though!!
I showed the article to a good friend who lived two doors away from me for most of my life and he had no idea of how my life had been.
No doubt FIL could find no way of letting you know how things were.Of course,he would also have to admit to making such a terrible choice.
I always wondered why nobody would listen to me but,now that I am all growed up I wonder what I would do if a child were to confide in me that they were being psychologically abused.In fact I have seen it happen and not known what to do.

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 2 May 2008 22:16

I actually feel teary for the little girls you were. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this as children. Kiddies are so powerless.
Sue xxx

SueMaid

SueMaid Report 2 May 2008 22:20

I remember telling my FIL off because his evil wife told me he had pushed her away from him when she wanted a cuddle. The look on his face made me want to cry. Later he told me that he had pushed himself away from her because she had barricaded him against a cupboard and told him how useless and stupid he was because he couldn't walk down to the shops to buy her something. He was 82 and had just had a knee replacement op. 6 weeks before. I believed him and told him so and he hugged me and cried like a baby.
Sue x