General Chat

We who or not psychologists would say gutless I think.

Down to a tee. And I still go back for punishment.

Over the years I have worked on the things she does to upset me and now there is just one. She slates my Dad and paternal Grandparents; its the only thing that she has left to hurt me with. My Dad has been dead 11 1/2 years now so I feel its wrong

I told her recently that I just wish she would be as proud of me as she is of my sister and her kids.

After Dad died I remember bumping into an old school friend with mum in tow. I spoke about dad and how I was so glad I had my children when I was young, at least dad got to know some of his grandchildren before he passed. Mum said loudly, 'if you hadnt had them he might have lived longer'. I was horrified and mortified in one go.

It wasnt until last year that my childhood friend said to me that she understood how I grew up and none of it was my fault. For once in my life someone made me feel it wasnt my fault and most importantly it wasnt 'all in my head' or 'my imagination'.

My maternal grandparents were lovely people but something went wrong because my aunt is much the same with me. Always thought it was me..........

love Theresa
Could write so much more.

It sounds as if we all thought we were the only person singled out for this sort of treatment, obviuosly not,It does seem predominantly a female thing, boys were favoured.
I'm looking forward to reading my Mums Grandiose leather bound diaries, I bet its a catalogue of all my wrong doings !


It does appear too that they will never understand that they have done anything, totally justifying their behaviour.nothing wrong with them.!
Doctor I think I'm a narcissist..... I think not!

My hideous cousin reserved her venom for one of her boys.I think it was projection.She was the oldest grandchild and her mother could not sustain a male pregnancy,I think she once miscarried triplet boys.Then she had twins,one of whom was a boy .I suppose the fact that there was a girl made her hang on to them.So,with this son on the scene.big sister's nose is well out of joint.Her first child was a boy who,I believe,had to wear black underpants so the sun didn't blind people.Then the hideous woman gave birth to twins,boy and girl and by God,did they suffer,especially the boy.There are others I can think of too.I think it is just that mostly women have posted.

n

I have one older sibling and a younger sibling by 17 years.

All my younger life I was told it was my fault she could not have anymore children, my shoulders were too big and caused her untold damage. She misscarried a couple of times. Had a bad pregnancy with the youngest, also my fault. That was my life, always my fault.

She once told me in a sneering way, "you take after your father, you are just like him". I said I would take that a her very first compliment and I did.

I could go on and on, but wont, most of you have already said it all.

I am just like my father, gentle, caring and a lovely person. I am proud to call him father. And yes he did try to help when he saw what was going on. Although, he was not there all the time though.

n

n

nudging for my friend to read

I have a narcissistic mother didn't realize this until a year ago,she made my life a misery as a child and as grown up,
This is pretty serious stuff,
Anyone who has suffered and is still suffering in this way should read this book.

Children of the self-absorbed by Nina w Brown

Boy was this book an eye opener but it helped me understand and helped me to deal with her (mother) i can get on with my life now , without been controlled by her because that is what these parents do and make you feel pretty crap along the way.
I only have one regret i wish i had read this book 20 years ago.

Isn't it cathartic when you do find out Julie?There is a whole new piece of my mind available now.The bit that was forever going over thingsto find a reason.I had given up looking for any logic many years ago.

yes definatley its also good to know that other people understand, its not easy to make people understand if they don't know as they often think that you are making thinks up or making it sound worse than it is or was but you will know this already,
I am a much happy person now that i understand. I still see her (mother ) never call her mum as she never was one but know she can't get to me unless i let her just wish my sister could do the same but she is not as strong willed as me and still tries to please her,

How i wish i could make her see like we do!

All the best to you Sharron X
Julie

I have a narcissistic stepfather alive and kicking, if anyones looking for a scarecrow to scare the brds away.........

I have finally read the article and highlighted the bits that refer to my relationship with my mother. I started typing a response for this thread and before I knew it I had written 1500 words and was getting the flashbacks again. I've kept that for another day!

I have been profoundly affected by the type of behaviour in the article throughout my adult life, but like others, hope I have learned the lessons.

More interestingly, in one of my lines, this stuff goes back to my knowledge about 100 years. Is it a learned behaviour? Thank God I have finally manmaged to unlearn it, hopefully before I damaged too many other lives.

Thank you for bringing this painful subject into the open again.

S

It does seem to run in families doesn't it?It covers at least two generations in my family and I have watched it occur in a family local to me.All the time aching with frustration because I could not do anything to ease the misery of the poor children concerned.
I called mine mother and now I will only refer to her as my mother and if anybody should call her my mum I will correct them.I never had a mum.Mothers day is very special to me,it reminds me that I don't have one .
As for the step-father being a scarecrow.Has somebody been watching League of Gentlemen?It's little dreams like that that get you through!

Romany Star, last night (morning your time) I typed up a question asking if men were ever like that, or was it just women with their weird hormones, but my computer was playing up and kicked me off line, so I was interested to see your reply. But it does seem to be predominantly a female thing.
I am deeply curious about what makes people tick. Why is it mostly women?
Huia.

I should have been a psychologist or surgeon or some such, with my curiosity about people.
Huia.

I don't think it is predominently women.We have all been out with him haven't we?Maybe it is that women,especially mothers,can inflict a particularly memorable and destructive kind of damage.

Hi Sharron and everyone else. Wednesday I went to see my phychologist armed with a print out of the article mentioned on page one. Highlighted all the points I related to. She said yes thats definatly what we are dealing with. I have had depression on and off for years, never knew why. Now I can see why!
Today I took the same paper to show my doctor at a
3 monthly check up. He was very interested. It was also useful to show my husband. He started to read it it and said it's your mum. Mum is 75 now looks after my 79 yr old Dad who is paralised after a stroke, and has no speech. I don't think I could ever talk to them about this. I'm nearly 50 and feel like a child when I'm near them. Looking back on my life I can see things from a new perspective. Why I acted the way I did. Why my mum never liked my friends. And why my sister and I were so close.
Thanks Sharron for bringing this into the open xx

Good on you Carole.Doctors don't seem to know this happens.Having been on tranquilizers in the past myself I feel that I was actually being treated for somebody elses illness.I wasn't ill,I was desperately unhappy.
The condition certainly needs to be made more widely known.It may even inspire the medical profession to try a few new perspectives,now wouldn't that be an innovation.