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narcissistic mothers

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Onwe

Onwe Report 9 May 2008 22:46

Life is full of up and downs. Best advice my mother gave me "get on with it". Only you can change the down bit. Depression happens to everyone. I have a three legged dog hes not depressed. Third world countries you dont see them suffering from depression they are to busy trying to live they dont have time to be depressed.

Sharron

Sharron Report 9 May 2008 22:58

Please Sparrow,read the article I first posted about.I really am a 'get on with it' individual.This is not about empirical self-pity,it is about the anger and frustration of trying to live your life around someone elses overwhelming self-obsession and the difficulty of making it's existence known to anybody who has no experience of it themselves.What a pity your mother wasn't able to pass on her admirable advice to mine.

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 9 May 2008 23:11

Mum always gave me something old as a gift and generally gave it to some other deserving child later. I happened to tell my friend that I had never had anything new my whole life.talk about second hand Rose !
Yesterday she phoned me from Tescos and because of the background noise I couldnt really make out what she was saying. Anyway she said I'll be back shortly.
She had bought me a little flat screen telly, and I was thrilled, but I said "I dont really deserve it, I haven't been that good this week!" This was that little voice that tells me I'm not worthy!
So now I have something brand new out of the box.for the first time.....at sixty !

ShimmsRedRoseAndMistletoe

ShimmsRedRoseAndMistletoe Report 9 May 2008 23:19

My mother was narcissistic. Many children, loads adopted, 2 (me + bro) neglected and abandoned. Once she was found out, she'd just move on, cut herself out of lives/photos; reinvent herself. Managed to 'hide' herself for 10 years, was found. When asked if she wanted to see us, her answer was, "NO!"

I googled it (dif site) a while back - explained so much. She even left baby on park bench.

Sharron

Sharron Report 10 May 2008 09:10

Oh,Lindsey,that is lovely.Something new that doesn't come with instruction about how grateful you should be and careful in it's operation.It won't be taken back for some other,more deserving person either.I bet your friend didn't buy herself an enormous,all singing,all dancing one at the same time either so she could get the little one free to give to you.
Will you still be on here or too busy watching your new T.V?
Pleased for you anyway,you DO deserve it!

Yorkshire

Yorkshire Report 10 May 2008 13:32

hi sharron
just to say thanks to your thread feel tons better
about myself also told my sisters' to read the
narcissistic mothers info
lynnx

**Stella ~by~ Starlight**★..★..★

**Stella ~by~ Starlight**★..★..★ Report 10 May 2008 14:14

i have just ordered the book"Children of the self absorbed"
thank you so much for this thread, i never started livi
ng until my mother died...isnt that an awful thing to say.

Carole

Carole Report 10 May 2008 16:08

Sparrow if I had a problem my mum also said get on with it. She didn't say lets try to do it together and it'll be okay! She warned of drowning, death and illness. Of bites, pecks kicks and stings. But as a child I didn't know how to get on with it, cos she had never shown me! Just warned of all that could go wrong, and when it did, she said I was right. Yes she is always right. Everyone knows that!
Now I can see I've had depression on and of since being a child, the anxiety started when I had my first child. Cos thats when all things mum warned me about could happen to my baby!

Lyndsey what a lovely friend to treat you like that xx

Shimering polka dot parrasol!! (What a name). Your mum was trying to make everyone think she was wonderful, looking after all those kids when her own didn't feel wanted. Hurts doesn't it xx

Stella I couldn't posibly put the reply that comes into my head reading your post, but you can probably guess it! xx

Yorkshire Lynn, this has helped me loads. I only clicked on it about a week ago cos I didn't know what it was. Then I realised I ticked lots of boxes!! It's me and my mum!! xx






Sharron

Sharron Report 10 May 2008 16:15

With you on that one Stella.Do you enjoy mother's day like I do?

**Stella ~by~ Starlight**★..★..★

**Stella ~by~ Starlight**★..★..★ Report 11 May 2008 01:09

i get very up set on mothers day Sharron, wishing for what should have been... a mother who cared!.

i am so care ful to surround my own children in love and praise !

 Lindsey*

Lindsey* Report 11 May 2008 01:51

Hi, Yes I'm still playing with my new toy !
I just read someting on how to divorce you parents ,

When our parents aren’t around, years after we’ve left home, we still carry our parents around with us - inside our brains. It is these parents we need to divorce. I want to stress this - it is the parents we carry around in our heads that we need to divorce. Our physical parents who exist outside of us are another story - they may even be dead - and so are well beyond us doing anything to them.

Now thats perceptive,the little voice we carry around with us ??? How to undo all the damage, suggestions on the back of a postage stamp please !

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond

Purple **^*Sparkly*^** Diamond Report 11 May 2008 02:02

I have to admit I felt a certain relief when my Mother passed away, 13 years ago next Friday. All my life I had to live it to please her, mustn't worry her or cause her problems, she tied me to her apron strings and made me see fear where there was none. I was not allowed to topple over railings in case I hurt my back, and many other things in that vein. When I had my son he was allowed to roll about and climb (within reason and with supervision when small) and she would tell me to stop him in case he hurt himself, but I wouldn't, I didn't want him growing up to be fearful. He climbed trees and rolled around in the grass etc etc just the way kids love to do, and yes, twice he had a plaster cast on his arm, from accidents playing on his skateboard and playing basketball, but he healed and had fun. I think my Mother was jealous of the freedom I had to do things and travel, something she had never done, as my Dad said when he got back from Egypt, Burma, Palestine etc after the war, he had seen all he wanted to see. They didn't have the money either to go far, never had a car and Dad never had a brilliant job but we got by, altho I am sure the scrimping and scraping and not letting me stay on at school as I would probably get married and be a kept woman (I didn't lol) has a lot to do with my ocd problems and hoarding etc.
I do worry about what I have put on my own son, in some ways, but hope I can help him through any problems without strangling him and holding him back, as my Mother did me

Lizx

Sharron

Sharron Report 11 May 2008 13:05

Stella,please don't waste your emotions getting upset on Mother's Day.Isn't that exactly what she wanted?If you do that she has won again and is,even now,controlling your emotions from the grave,as if she hadn't perpetrated enough evil in life.
Isn't this thread one sided?Not one narcissistic mother has come forward to defend their child-rearing methods.

GranOfOzRubySlippers

GranOfOzRubySlippers Report 11 May 2008 13:39

I tried to post before but deleted it.

Sparrow, you sound just like my mum.

Most of us have moved on, and continue to do so. Threads like this make it easier when you realise you are not alone.

So proud of Sharron for having the courage to put this up in the first place.

My mother is gone now. I went to visit her grave today and put flowers on it. Why, because I am who I am today, despite everything. Even after all the hurt, I loved her and respected her. And feel a deep sadness that she missed the best part of ME.

I am strong, loveable and a nice person. I care about my family and adore and am grateful for everyone of them.

Gail

GinaS

GinaS Report 11 May 2008 13:44

Hi Sharron,

If one of these mother's did contribute to the site, there certainly would not be an apology nor any insight into what they have done, nor a willingness to seek help and change.

I feel they would pile on more hurt to their victims.

Heads up high to us all, who have broken the circle and are cherishing our families.

**Stella ~by~ Starlight**★..★..★

**Stella ~by~ Starlight**★..★..★ Report 11 May 2008 13:55

well said Georgina ...

Sharron

Sharron Report 11 May 2008 14:11

Well done Gail.I was too often punished for failing in my duty to love and respect my mother and not putting in the effort to earn her love and respect to nurture any of those feelings for her.I can't pretend not to have despised her.She was never stinting in her description of how much she despised me.
Somehow you have managed to land in a better place than I.
I do wonder if a narcissistic mother would even recognize herself on here,unless Swallow is one.Now there's a thought.

wisechild

wisechild Report 11 May 2008 14:57

Can't believe what I have just read. Phoned my brother & told him to read it. My mother has continued from beyond the grave, because as a result of things she said to my daughter before she died, my daughter now refuses to speak to me,or to let me see my 3 month old granddaughter. obviously I didn't love my mother enough!! Looks like the baby will grow up never having seen her only grandmother, as her father's mother has been dead for many years.
Thanks very much Mum.

Julie

Julie Report 11 May 2008 15:36

a mother like this would not apologise she thinks she is perfect and is never wrong!! My mother for one would not possibly belive for one second anything she ever did was wrong.She is a cold dead person who knows no true emotions.
If ever she did say sorry it would be in such a way that people would feel sorry for her but im sure many of you already know what these cold dead freaks are
really like.
Sorry if this offends anybody but it is true
Julie

ShimmsRedRoseAndMistletoe

ShimmsRedRoseAndMistletoe Report 11 May 2008 16:32

From the moment she neglected and abandoned us, I've felt 'blue' on Mother's day (like Stella), my birthday (hers is the day before mine) and now ... just discovered she got married to newly found adopted half-siblings father ... day before I chose to get married.

What an inheritance. Stella so identify.

Sharron - thank you for thread, only just discovered meaning of word in my Care File describing her = narcissistic. For me just makes so much sense from what I know of her.