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adoption/please be gentle on adoptees *PART TWO*

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Unknown

Unknown Report 18 Mar 2005 12:37

Jess, Well you've given me a much needed laugh at that thought! Me being the daughter of Rodger More!! Ha ha! If it had of been him...poor sod! Having a nutter like me for a daughter! lol. I don't seem to be doing so well at explaining myself clearly at the mo. Anyone got a new brain for me? Mine upped and left a few days ago!! I have tried to correct my mistake on previous msg but obviously haven't done a very good job! If anyone wants proof that your head goes to pot once you're on this roller coaster, then here's your proof! Me!! Catch you all later, baby wants her mummy jules xx

The Bag

The Bag Report 18 Mar 2005 22:44

bumped for Jeanette, and no doubt Joan later jess x

Sue (Sylvia Z )

Sue (Sylvia Z ) Report 19 Mar 2005 00:46

For Jess, Jules and Donna, I hope you all get the news you want to hear. A year ago I wrote to a lady I thought was my mother. She took TWO weeks to reply, I was like a cat on a hot tin roof!! I have placed an advert in this Friday and Saturday's ' Polish Daily' newspaper, still looking for my mother. Fingers crossed please that I get some response. Sue

Unknown

Unknown Report 19 Mar 2005 02:06

Thanks for that Sue and good luck with your search. Hello Joan if you still awake! Jules xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 19 Mar 2005 02:29

Hi Peeps Haven't checked in for a while, nice to see some other adoptees have joined the merry band. Been lovely reading everyone's stories. Sylvia, best of luck with your ads, babe, hope it all works out for you. I've now written letter numero THREE to my birth mother. Quite resigned myself to the fact that for whatever reason she's decided that she doesn't even want to acknowledge me, let alone have anything that might resemble a relationship with me and, quite frankly, that's her loss. However, I want to know whether there's any family medical history that I need to know about. It was one of my MAJOR gripes when I was expecting my children, that I couldn't properly answer questions about any conditions that might be within the family, and I have them to consider now as well as myself. I developed a serious condition during my last pregnancy which has left me partially disabled. I'd like to know whether that was a fluke or whether there's a history of it. I know that the letters are going to the right address, it's not that I'm barking up totally the wrong tree, so I've tried again. I've kept it very simple and to the point and included my email address in case that's easier for her than actually writing me a letter. I know she has a computer at home cos the person she now lives with is a member of this site and has my BM's name on the name search facility! Lou

Unknown

Unknown Report 19 Mar 2005 07:37

Hi Lou, Nice to see you back again. I know what you mean about medical history. Everytime I've had to go to the hospital wether I'm pregnant or what. It's the same old thing 'Is there any history of ....' To which you reply I don't know, I was adopted. It doesn't matter how many times they ask the question the answer stays the same, Unless of course you've been reunited. I've had 31 years of being asked 20 questions in one consultation and I give the same answer to every bloody one. I DON'T KNOW I'M ADOPTED! Now though I can give some info at last. Nothing major only that mum died of a brain haemorrage, history of depression, thyroid problems, bad joints to the point of being crippled(women's side), bladder problems and chronic obstuctive pulmony disease (sorry if i spelt it wrong!). Trouble is I already suffer from 3 of these illness's! Look at what I've got to look forward to in the coming years! Lord help me! I've said my bit now! Good luck Lou and all Jules Joan sorry i fell asleep on the phone to you again! x

Donna

Donna Report 19 Mar 2005 08:34

hi sue ,jules,lou and jess thankyou sue for your words of encouragement i hope you find your mom soon lou, jules and jess i hope you also find your moms and brothers i know what you are all going through at the moment it is hard when you have to fill in medical forms and they say what does any of your family suffer with in the past and then you feel stupid because you do not know the answers and they look at you like your are some sort of alien lol my uncle did ring last night but he sounded abit cagey he wants me to meet him sunday at 11 o'clock he then is going to take me to meet my nan and aunty ,we are then going to see my sisters(3) who want there mom there as it is going to be strange for them all 3 are in there 40s a lot older then me but i will agree to anything to get to know them do you think that they are rushing me i thought i was just getting to know my uncle first i have got butterflys asking my self all sort of questions will they like me ,will they want to know me after sunday or do they just want to tell me to get out of there lives i am not taking my 2 little children as i think it might be to much for them to take in the first time i go as i do not want them to get upset if my birth family do not want to know i am not sure if anybody else feels like this its hard to take in love donna xx

Unknown

Unknown Report 19 Mar 2005 10:31

Donna Its great that he rang you but take this at YOUR pace. If YOU don't feel ready to be bombarded with several new family members all in one day, then say that you'd rather leave THAT meeting for another time and just spend some time chatting with your Uncle on Sunday. There are no hard and fast rules with this one but the important thing is that you feel happy with the way things are moving. If they are genuinely interested in meeting you and trying to form a relationship with you then they'll understand that this is a LOT for you to take it all at once. What's wrong with leaving meeting the rest of them until NEXT weekend? That way you'll have a week to digest anything you and your Uncle talk about and you'll be more prepared to face more members of the family Lou

The Bag

The Bag Report 19 Mar 2005 10:57

Donna, you do what you want to do at your own pace. I trust that you are meeting him somewhere neutral and that you are not going alone. Do you have a hubby or best friend you can take with you, Find someone to mind the kids so you don't have to worry about them. Don't forget you always have the option of walking away at any stage - you don't know what you are walking into - Ring him and say how you feel about meeting all these people at once- If he really wants to know you then he'll understand. If he doesn't then you'll be doing something that you're not happy with and is not the way to start. You instigated it, so you should have the control.keep the control and do what YOU want when YOU want.There is always tommorow - and if that tommorow doesn't come then it probably wasn't meant to be. please reassure me you are not going alone and where you are actually going (off thread if you like) - sound like your mother now! jess

The Bag

The Bag Report 19 Mar 2005 11:05

.....and on the medical history bit - sorry have to have a word! ' My mum has high blood pressure , is overweigh and has diabetes and is in the early stages of dementia' ' my dad has had 3 heart attacks, and has parkinsons' .......' but it's okay I'M Adopted!!' Seriously, i once wrote, some years ago now, to my B/M , asking about well, lets say 'womens things'. I am unable to have children (yes, My side) and even after 4 IVF have still failed. Wrote and asked about fertility problems and then realised this:- My B/M had at least 4 children My B/F had at least 9 DOH- what a stupid question!! jess x - who still manages to laugh!

Sue (Sylvia Z )

Sue (Sylvia Z ) Report 19 Mar 2005 13:05

Jess, I'm so glad you retain a sense of humour, it keeps you going, even if at times it's black humour!! I am quite lucky in the fact that in my very thin file from social services there was a declaration of health made while my mother was pregnant with me, which wasn't much good to me as I had aleady had my children. At least I know there is no family insanity, that's only me.LOL!!! Sue

Donna

Donna Report 19 Mar 2005 15:09

hi jess and lou, i think you are both wright i think that they are trying to rush me into things after all i really do not know my birth family so it is going to be strange i think i will ring my uncle again and ask if i could just meet him and take things a lot slower perhaps talk on the phone to the other members of my birth family i am meeting him at the pub so it will be in a public place and my husband will be there i have arranged for a babysitter as i did think it would be too much for my children to take in . jess i am sorry to hear about you not being to have children please keep trying you never know i bet you would make a loverly mom you sound a very carring person love donna xx

Joan Allan

Joan Allan Report 19 Mar 2005 22:43

nudge

Unknown

Unknown Report 20 Mar 2005 05:22

Sending cyber hugs to all who need them at the mo. Stay strong and follow your instincts. Jules xx Hi Joan! I think I'm getting old!! hee hee x

The Bag

The Bag Report 20 Mar 2005 08:59

THinking about you, Donna,Its 9am Sunday morning , with two hours to go to meeting your B/F Brother. Hopefull later you'll share with us how it went, in your own time of course. Perhaps talk later jess x

Unknown

Unknown Report 20 Mar 2005 10:27

Donna, Thinking of you. Good luck luv. Jules xx

Donna

Donna Report 20 Mar 2005 19:07

hi jess and jules thankyou for asking how my meeting went , myself and my husband went to the pub at 11 o'clock when we got there was anouther car with some people in it we thought nothing of it ,just after 11 my uncle turned up in his car with his daughter he got out and said hello the other people got out of there car and came over they was my dads wife ,her new husband and her daughter and her two grandchildren also her step son turned up in his car it was quite worrying apparantly they wanted to meet me ,it felt quiet awkward we all went up to my auntys she was a loverly women i met my nan we talked and she gave me some pictures of my birth dad ,after a while my dads wife she left with her daughter and family and so did my uncle who has promised to contact me again also my sister gave me her mobile number so that we could talk but if i meet her ,her mom has to be with her strange , well after she left my aunty was so angry apparantly they have not spoke since my dads funerall and she thought it was too much for me to take in and she was going to have words with my uncle ,i felt so sorry for my birth dad when my aunty was telling me how his wife made his life horrible when he was dying of a brain tumour and his wife had moved her lover in to her bed and my dad into the next room ,she used to beat him and was so nasty that she made him so depressed that he had drowned him self in the bath , he must have been so lonely and upset my aunty said i was pretty and my dads wife said she knows i am but she can not work out how what a nasty thing to say to somebody , 6 months after my dad had died she had married her lover i hope he never gets ill oh well i could go on but i have got alot of emotions at the moment to think about it was not the way that i wanted to meet my birth family lots of love donna x x

Sue (Sylvia Z )

Sue (Sylvia Z ) Report 20 Mar 2005 19:22

Donna, I am sorry that you had such a huge amount of emotional things going on at your first meeting, it must be hard to take it all in. It is probably better to sit back and look at everything again and decide what YOU want. Then you can control the pace at which things go from there. Don't forget we're here for you. love Sue

The Bag

The Bag Report 20 Mar 2005 19:23

Donna so glad you are back safe and sound. Sound like you have walked into a bit of a minefield and certainly bombarded with lots of facts. Remember- 1/10 of it is probably the absolute truth 3/10 of it is probably somewhere near the truth 1/2 of it is total gobeldegook and the last 10th....Axes they had to wield about their own feelings amongst themselves. Take some time to think it all thru, don't get yourself upset - we're here to listen just out of curiosty- how long ago did you B/F Die? Jess x

Sue (Sylvia Z )

Sue (Sylvia Z ) Report 20 Mar 2005 19:26

Joan, A big thank you for your call yesterday evening. I did appreciate it and didn't realise how much time had gone by until I put the phone down!! regards, Sue