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Auntie Motie a Genteel Tale of Everyday Life.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


CherryCrumbles Report 4 Sep 2012 17:18

Petunia spies, with her beady little eye, something beginning with S ....

let me see .....

would it be ...... SEA? there is certainly plenty of that and it is easily spotted.

or perhaps ..... SAILOR? there are quite a few of those around as well



MotownGal Report 4 Sep 2012 20:26

Good evening All.

Yes, Sea, Sea and more rotten Sea!

We are docking tonight, and people will be disembarking on the morrow, I feel sure that I can chaperone Georgianna well enought tonight with the help of Octavia and Beatrice.

We are slumming it tonight, even though this a VERY upmarket cruise, we are going to play Housey Housey. I believe it is also called Bingo.

There are numerous advertisements on the television for Bingo, one with a Wolf, one with a load of silly women giggling, and even one that you do on the tinternet. What every next?

Ooooh yes Cherry, Mr Glenister, I do remember him as Sharpe the younger. What a whippersnapper he was. I also know of the adverts you speak, who is this Gordon? Young Miss Emelia is his partner in crime. She has such big eyes! Such a pretty girl.....................I like her in Silent Witnit.

I am afraid I do not 'clear out' Teresa, not when I can Pat-trish-aaaaah to do it for me. I get her to put the rubbish on the chaise longue, and then I give my approval, or no, as to whether she is to give them to the masses.

Still nothing of Ruby? Perhaps she has changed her mind....................................please!

Pretending I am enjoying myself
Auntie Petunia


Susan-nz Report 4 Sep 2012 21:06

I spy with my little eye - a puppy in disgrace :-|,

Yesterday she got out of a gate and was found by a neighbour who rang my OH to come home and secure said puppy. Then she proceeded to dig up a herb garden that was planted in a planter box on Saturday.....
She is easily bored it would seem. Luckily for her we all love her ;-).
She is over her malaise it would seem.

I do not know of the gentleman you speak of , not by name anyway.

Petunia, have fun at Bingo :-D, two fat ladies 88, hope the purse is worth your efforts?

Teresa, I doodled FTE's boat, cor, it looks loverly it does... I would be pumping her for a family concession :-D. When is she to set sail on her first trip?

Our weather is the pits at the moment, I went for walk yesterday and got caught in a cold downpour... One was not amused and one could hardly see through ones spectacles..

Busy day of toil ahead today so must fly. I have friend having major surgery today so she is in my thoughts <3.

Toodle pip


CherryCrumbles Report 4 Sep 2012 22:23

Petunia spies with her beady little eyes something beginning with S .....

Salt Water ocean, and lots of Seamen on the luxury liner.

One simply has no idea what this Bingo lark is all about, one does not play Bingo or Housey Housey or any other Tinternet games.

Gordon is of course General Gordon, I believe he was known to enjoy a spot of tiffin. Whether or not the tiffin was liberally laced I could not say.

Emilia Fox is the daughter of Edward Fox and Joanna David, from whom she has inherited her excellent acting talents. Edward Fox is the brother of James Fox, who is the father of Laurence Fox aka Det Sgt Hathaway. Emilia was a WDYTYA subject not too long ago, and introduced us all to her Aunty Mary, a delightful elderly lady. Every family should have an Aunty Mary ;-)

Hark who is that banging at the door? *peers through spyhole* Oh no. It's Ruby and her husband. Should I let them in, or should I ignore the doorbell, after all, it is after dark and they can always come back after Petunia has returned home .......... no I was instructed to make them welcome. Sigh.

*sounds of bolts being unbolted, and door hinges creaking ...
and a mad organ starts to play somewhere in the depths of the basement*

"Why Ruby and Marmaduke. How lovely to see you. Where have you been all this time? we expected you last week or yesterday. Yes, Monday, but you didnt say which Monday. Do come in, and wipe your feet. I'm afraid Pat rish aaaaah has gone to bed, and Petunia is enjoying a luxury cruise on an ocean liner, but your room is ready for you. The Blue Room, dears, to match Marmie's jokes ....... But first, do please make yourselves at home. Just nip up to the attic and hang up your capes in THE WARDROBE ...."

*thinks* well that wardrobe should keep them busy for the next week ..... !!



Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 5 Sep 2012 18:56

Dear Auntie Petunia I promise I wont be rushing around the West End on 28th September looking for something to wear to my dear friends wedding on 29th, I am going to have liposuction or colonic irrigation ;-) because I WANT that dress :-|

Putting on my sensible head if I can find it :-D Sunday I am off to Hyde Park rumour has it Sir Tom Jones is to be seen there (at least I wont be the eldest in attendance) that reminds me I must remember to take a pair of unmentionables to throw at Sir :-D I will be staying in the smoke and returning home on Monday so a brief stop at Westfields I think is in order J. Lewis have pulled out all the stops and allocated me a personal shopper I do hope I'm not disappointed ;-)

You are good Teresa spring cleaning at anytime of the year :-D I detest housework :-\

CC I don't know the Windmill in East Hanningfield is it anywhere near the reservoir
I hope your gardener has changed his bad habits or is he the same as my fruits thinking someone else will pick up after them :-(

Puppies I think are like children everything goes into their mouth, they always find the best flowers/plants to pick or dig up and if they can find an escape route they will,
Our eldest has all this to come with the most beautiful, adorable baby ever born :-D

Ooh Susan I have just seen the most perfect pair of unmentionables to throw at Sir Tom ;-) :-D ;-)


Cooper Report 5 Sep 2012 18:59

Auntie, did you say what I thought you said !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~ to Lesley and Susan and Cherry.

I am a little flabbergasted and will be back later.



CherryCrumbles Report 5 Sep 2012 19:38

hello Lesley, I have no idea where the reservoir is, I just noted the address details on the card they gave me. We dont know that area at all, as its quite a long drive from north east London.

The gardener I hired has only been the once. The people who came last weekend are a different firm, and a lot more expensive, but I am getting frantic seeing the weeks slip by and I dont want my shrubs being clipped in November or the frost wont do the clipped twigs and branches any good. So I hired the second firm and they are very good but I cant afford to hire them every month. The idea was the work they did would give the first gardener I hired "a head start", because this man charges less so I can ask him to come in more often. And today I was out doing some clipping ... woof woof, yes I feel like the man who bought a dog and did his own barking. But as I said, I'm going frantic because I want the pruning done asap, before the frosts come back.

I'd send you a pair of unmentionables to throw at Sir Tom but my modesty forbids me from removing them. How on earth did this custom start ..... LOL

Hmmm I see there is no Bloooberrie call from dear Petunia today. Ruby and Smarmie went up to the attic, as instructed, to hang their capes in That Wardrobe, and I nipped upstairs behind them and locked the attic door, and they can stay there until Petunia comes home. *shivers* ghastly couple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ to Teresa



MotownGal Report 5 Sep 2012 20:16

Halllooooooo, Halllooooooo, Halllllllo! Someone come an open this daw!

Ah will not be locked into this cupboard. Mamie kick the daw in, I will not be cooped up like this.........ah am not a chicken!

Thats better.....................Patricia deah, come up heah!

Patrician honey pie, who is that woman dawnstairs? Speak to your Auntie Ruby, ma little chickadee. Ah ha. Miss Cherry is it? Ah shall take her ta task!

Walks down stairs.

Ah Miss Cherry deah. Ah would like a word with you. Now, come deah I would like to know what you have done to ma cousin Petunia. There is no reason why you should be living heah while she is away. Ah I see. You all looking ahfter the place for her. Ah see.

Now please be a deah, and get the staff to get us something to eat. Ah could do with something hot inside me, a little chittlins and corn bread if she can rustle it up.

Now, let me tell you deah. I have not had an exciting time since we docked here at South-hamptawn. Ah had looked up Cheltenham on the world wide web and seen the pictures, but it was not at all what I was expecting.

Cheltenham ah took to be a little town lost in the mists of time. Ah had seen the Cheltenham Gold Cup, and was very miffed not to see it in the Tithe Baaaarn. Ah expected to see plenty of activity too, as ah I heard of the Cheltenham Races. Ah expected to see the Cheltenham Ladies to be racing around the town. But no, it was a metropolis with cars and all kinds of thangs. No horses there at all.

But, and this is the big butt! Nah pun intended Patricia honey chile, the house ah I have been left, is a dooozy. Ah have put it up on the market at once. Ah may even come and live near ma dear cousin.

Now tell me deah, what exactly is your role in all of this?

Tell Ruby all abaht it.


Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 5 Sep 2012 20:21

CC I didn't know when or why women started throwing their unmentionables at Tom Jones :-S

A google search came up with this answer.

During a 1968 engagement at the Copacabana Club in New York, the air conditioning was not working well and Jones, as always giving every song everything he had, was drenched in his own perspiration. Between numbers, several women in the audience offered him their cocktail napkins to wipe his face. But one woman lifted her dress, removed her underwear, and handed that to Jones on stage. He says he was flabbergasted, but he wiped his face with it, and handed the woman her underwear back. A gossip columnist was present, and after the incident was mentioned in the next day's newspaper, throwing panties onto the stage became the thing to do at Jones's concerts.



MotownGal Report 5 Sep 2012 20:28

Hello? Hello? Cherry dear, do talk to me. I must be honest and say I have never known you to be lost for words before..................speak to me dear.

There must be a bad connection dear, I shall try again later.

Now Teresa dear, what exactly DID I say? I tell you so many tit bits of interesting information. I cannot confine myself to just one? Was it to do with the Wedding dear?

Lesley, you shall go to the ball! Those personal shoppers are really very good. Just give them as much info as you can, likes, dislikes, and of course your budget. They are trained very well at Spedan Lewis Ah Mr Thomas the Jones. I remember when he had his original nose! I do think he looks more distinguished now that he has let his hair go au naturelle. Pity a few more singers do not do the same. My, my, my Deliliah!

Well the Bingo certainly opened my eyes! I have never seen such fervour! Sensible ladies were sitting sweating over a few numbers. I am pleased that it will be first and last time. Doctors orders indeed! Psht!

The Brothers O. departed today, I cannot say I was sorry to say goodbye to them. Poor Georgianna is bereft. She really thought that Nickos took a shine to her. Alas the only thing he took a shine to was her money.

We will be here in Turkey for a couple of days, I shall give you the guided tour tomorrow dears. Bit tired tonight.

We are to go to the onboard cinema soon, we shall be seeing Casablanca. I must say in a certain light, I do look like the lovely Ingrid.................

Preening in the mirror
Auntie Petunia


CherryCrumbles Report 6 Sep 2012 09:26

*glares daggers at Pat rish aaaaah for opening the attic door and letting Ruby go free*


CherryCrumbles Report 6 Sep 2012 09:37

*gets busy with Petunia's landline, phoning her bloooberrie*

hello hello? Petunia? hello dear, yes we had a bad connection previously so I am phoning you this time .......

*thinks* : I've had enough time to dream up my excuses*

Yes, Ruby and Smarmie arrived the other night, and went to hang their capes in That Wardrobe in the attic, they were quite insistent on using the additional space as they had lots of luggage which the cab driver carried up to their room then demanded compensation for suddenly acquiring a strained back. You wont complain about my purchases from The River company, when you see how much luggage they have brought with them.

Unknown to me, the old rusty key in the door slipped and locked the both of them in. I knew nothing about this, and when they did not appear in the drawing room I assumed they had retired to their bedroom to sleep off their journey. I must admit though, I did wonder what the banging was but didnt like to investigate, being respectful of other peoples privacy..

Life continued as normal, with Mrs Berry and myself running the house and I assumed the banging around was caused by a poltergeist. As you know there are many strange things that happen in this house, even when I am not staying here.

Well, the next thing I knew was when Pat rish aaaah decided to stick her nose ..... errrrrrrr ........ Pat rish aaaaah went to investigate the banging upstairs and found the attic door locked, and Ruby and Smarmie locked in the attic.

I must say, that lady cousin of yours is very willing and eager to point fingers at innocent persons - namely, me, and, she has even tried to accuse me of doing away with you ... as if I would bite the hand that feeds me.

I think you will be delighted to hear she is looking at a property to buy, right around the corner from Motie Towers. Just think - she will be popping in every day if she is successful in buying that house.


phew ....... tho I say it myself, that is a convincing little tale !


CherryCrumbles Report 6 Sep 2012 09:38

hello Lesley. As the old saying goes ..... " only in America ....." lol

thank you for looking that up.



Cooper Report 6 Sep 2012 15:15

Oh I do appologise Auntie, it was Cherry dear who shocked me not you. She mentioned sailors in one of her musings.

Chereeeeeeeey, its 10 postings up or is that down :0)

Lesley, We have seen Sir Tom twice, once in the presence of an HRH so no knickers were thrown :0) Mind you HRH was with Camilla and she seemed to enjoy the proceedings very much. She was all happy and smiling and HRH was looking a bit grumpy. It was the day after WillIam and Kate had got engaged so prehaps he was thinking of all the dosh he was going to have to fork out !

The first time we saw Sir Tom was at a posh do we had been invited to through OHs work. Sir T was a bright orange colour and was darker of hair in those days. We were right near the stage so had a good gander at him. He looked quite good for his age despite the TOWIE tan. I like Sir Tom, he is a great singer and entertainer.

I would urge you to throw maybe a clean terry towling nappy of baby Es to aid Sir Tom. It will be of more use than unmentionables for he does glow rather when performing. Have a wonderful time, it is supposed to warm and sunny at the weekend.

Auntie why have Ruby and Marnie popped up again? Have I missed somthing? Poor Cherry really does not need futher distractions at Motie Towers and Mrs Berry has more than enough to do !

Susan FTE alights the high seas in October. She will be away for six months, I wonder if Auntie will see her. I shall tell FTE to look out for little old ladies with small hats and stays :)

orff now to get the washing in, its unpaid toil today



CherryCrumbles Report 6 Sep 2012 19:06

*smiles impishly at Teresa*
yes, I know what I said dear. I just wondered if anyone else was smart enough to make the connection. After all, it isnt as if I had said anything about submarines !! :-D

Lucky you seeing Sir Thomas twice. He sure knows how to belt out a lovely song and I wouldnt have minded seeing him once, just to hear him singing Daughter Of Darkness, live on stage, just for me ..... OK a gal can dream. I now own a complete boxed set of Tom Jones CDs although he didnt really make me go weak at the knees but I always thought he had ........ has ....... a nice voice. I also think he looks very distinguished now, with his arctic blonde hairpiece.

I suspect my dear lady Mother might have thrown some unmentionables at him however, as she appeared to go weak at the knees when he appeared on Top Of The Pops, and she bought a few of his LPs. These days however Mama insists she just liked listening to a few of his ballads.

I wonder if your FTE in the pursuance of her onboard duties, will ever come across Sir Thomas. You had better forewarn her who she must annoy for autographs for her Aging Mama :-D

I hope it wont be tooooo warm at the weekend. We are taking orf again to Battlesbridge, as one's first husband thinks he has located the three storey antiques centre we remember from a few years ago. All being well, that will mean another dinner at a Carvery somewhere in Essex ..... yippeee ! But I must remember to set the VCR so I dont miss Doctor Who.



Cooper Report 6 Sep 2012 20:33

Ageing Mama, Tutty tut, I'm on the wrong side of 40 dontcha know :-D :-D :-D

My emoticons are here on the I pad but not the main computer :-S :-S :-S

I will use them all

:-) :-D :-( :-0 :-| :-P :-\ ;-) <3 :-S :-D

Have fun with the antiques :-D there is a huge antique centre in Claire in Suffolk. It's a place where you can spend many hours, there is also a genteel walk in the country park and a lovely little village with nice shops. It's not far from our neck of the woods. It has a lot of history as well. It's worth a google :-D

Off now to carry on watching King James and his fear of witches on channel 5



MotownGal Report 6 Sep 2012 20:34


Cherry dear, you cannot let that woman anywhere near North London. She will bring the tone down, and the house prices will plummet. Apart from that I cannot stand to think that oily husband will be greasing his way around the avenues, no man, child or dog will be safe!!!!! is the plan!

We must make sure that any signboard outside houses for let, or sale are removed. Send Pat-trish-aaaaaah out in the tuk-tuk to remove them all. I know there will always be a little man ready to replace them at 6am in the morning, to bang away with his nails. But needs must.

Then, keep harping on about what a rough old neighbourhood we live in..............pretend there is a Mission for Unmentionables to be opened within the next few months.

Better still, suggest a visit to St Jumbos. Get Father Thadius to take them around, and make sure they get to see the poor soul who does the elephant impressions.

If that does not put the fear of whatsit into them, bang them over the head with a shovel. I am sure the gardener can furnish you with a short handled one.

I am pretty sure that no property in Cheltenham, can possibly match the price of houses in our little enclave. At least I hope not. Tell them an up and coming area is the Outer Hebrides, and it is worth a trip. Then bribe the ferryman not to bring them back.

I dont know Cherry................................YOU THINK OF SOMETHING!!!!!!

Yes Teresa dear, I did get the pun of dear Cherry's. I chose to rise above it. As indeed the mariners did! You made no mention of my little quip dear, it is a direct copy of the Joan Collins Fan Club.

Sorry dear Upsidedown Susan, but we have been basking in sunshine here, and indeed home in England. Poor Cherry has had a touch of the vapours, and gets Pat-trish-aaaaah to fan her on an hourly basis.

Lesley, a new picture of your dear little one please. I wish to see how she has grown.

I shall report on Turkey as and when the matter in hand has been dealt with.

Very, very concerned
Auntie Petunia


Cooper Report 6 Sep 2012 20:35

FTE has just iced the muffins she made earlier. Banana and walnut, double choc and fudge topping.

Here they come down the cyber hatch :-D


Cooper Report 6 Sep 2012 20:42

Hallo Auntie :-D

Could you direct me to your quip dear? I was a great fan of the Joan Collins fan club an Fany the wonder dog :-D

There is a lemon muffin on its way down the cyber hatch to you to have with coffee. They really are rather good and very light :-D



Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 6 Sep 2012 22:37

Good Evening Ladies

Thanks for the muffins Teresa and FTE :-) Mmm delicious :-D our middle fruit saw Tom Jones at V Festival this year she said she only watched him because there wasn't anyone else on stage :-\ but she also said he did put on a good show :-D

Cherry l can't say I've ever yearned to see Sir Tom :-\ he is only one of the line up, also on stage Status Quo, Emeli Sande, Jessie J, Paloma Faith, Rebecca Furgason, Average White Band, Mick Hucknall and two groups I have never heard of The Band Perry and Katzenjammer. :-D I am looking forward to going but I do wish it wasn't going to be quite so hot :-(
Tom and Jessie seem inseparable at the moment ;-)

Auntie Petunia I will put up a new picture of baby E after the weekend, I doubt you will notice how much she has grown though as she just seems to be getting longer :-S bless her she has developed a strawberry mark under her right eye just were a gal doesn't want any sort of mark :-( maybe it will go as quick as it came :-S

Susan is your puppy still getting into mischief :-D