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Auntie Motie a Genteel Tale of Everyday Life.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date


MotownGal Report 30 Sep 2012 09:23

Morning dear Ladies [that has a nice ring to it does it not?]

I hope Lesley regales us with tales of her wedding. I want to know what everyone wore, and I want a piece of cake sent down the cyber hatch too.

No Teresa again, I shall organise a search party if we do not hear by tonight.

Cherry dear, I am pleased you are no long infectious, but will keep the mask on indoors as a precaution. Susan dear, is it still Sunday there, or Monday? I get soooo confused with the time zones. If it is Sunday, what are you having for Sunday Dinner, if Monday, have a good day at work dear. to Church, my turn with the flowers this week, and I spend a good few hours on it. I will go and listen to the wonderful compliments that are bound to come my way.

Auntie Petunia


CherryCrumbles Report 30 Sep 2012 09:56

good morning Petunia dear, how reassuring that you are up with the larks this morning, as I did not wish to be talking to myself.

Very worrying about Teresa, I hope she is getting better and not forced to return to work far too soon than is good for a body.

I think its Sunday night in New Zealand so Susan will be sitting down to her evening Sunday Roast dinner, as we enjoy our bacon and eggs and fried bread and tomatoes. I always assume that Down Under is about 12 hours ahead of us, give or take about five hours. This means that if the world were to end tomorrow, we would receive plenty of notice.

Now dear, do take off that ridiculous mask. Oh, you have taken the mask off. May I suggest dear that you use a different night firming cream, it does nothing for your complexion.

When you take your turn with the flowers, do mind how you arrange the roses, I heard that the verger does not like the thorns in the vestry. What are your plans for Harvest Festival?



Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 30 Sep 2012 15:50

Good afternoon Ladies.

CC and Teresa I do hope you have fully recovered from your ailments and regained your strength :-)

Well what can I say about the wedding I attended yesterday :-S as the ladies that reside in the UK will know the weather was perfect for a wedding :-) when myself and MOG arrived it soon became apparent that I was the only guest wearing a hat again perfect :-) now dears some other guests I think might have come straight from the gym as tee shirts, jogging bottoms and trainers were their attire :-0 can you imagine.............a million miles from perfect :-( I soon turned my attention away from these people and focused on my dear friend whom was looking beautiful her smile her warm glow again perfect :-) or was it I was soon to learn she had consumed two bottles of champagne before arriving at the wedding venue :-0 by 8o'clock people could be heard saying we might as well leave now as the bride and groom are so drunk and wont notice :-( I managed to coax my MOG away at 10.30 and I drove the 20 miles home :-)

I don't want you dear ladies thinking I am against a tipple now and again:-D but I do like to think I haven't got to my age and not learnt where and when and how much is acceptable ;-)

Auntie Petunia the cutting of the wedding cake was performed and photographed but to my nowledge none was offered to the guests so unfortunately I am unable to share any with you :-(



CherryCrumbles Report 30 Sep 2012 17:27

good afternoon Lesley, I trust you and your OH are fully recovered from the trials and imbibations of yesterday :-D Fancy going to a wedding improperly attired. A good job dear Petunia was not there. She'd have sent the lot of them back home, to get changed. And, they'd have gone. At least you set some standards :-)

The bride quaffed two bottles of champers beforehand eh?? Was she nervous?? :-D I remember when a posh department store I used to frequent held Special Events to which special customers were invited by Exclusive invitation only. Naturally, MFH and I always received an exclusive invitation - along with the bloomin world and his wife who'd shopped at that store in the past twelve months.

A free gift was always proferred, just for turning up, usually a nice box of choccies so I never failed to turn up. Wine and nibbles, or tea or coffee with biscuits, was on offer. One could queue for the wine, sip it while perusing around the store, then re-join the queue for more wine. Indeed, more wine was consumed, than tea or coffee.

I remember one particular Event, where we were standing in the bedding department trying to select a divan for the Offspring. Several Bright Young Things were nearby, screeching with tipsy laughter, as the gels bounced on the beds. Clearly, too much wine had been consumed between them.

But that is all in the dim and distant past now. We have "put our home together", so no longer purchase at that store, and the invitations have long since ceased. But, I think the Evening Events stopped anyway because the store started trading on a Sunday which suggests they have a Profit Flow problem.

Never mind about the wedding cake. Or, lack of it. At least the bride didnt do what someone of my acquaintance does with cakes - this person cuts a slice up into one-inch squares, and gives each family a square to take home.



Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 30 Sep 2012 18:31

I partly feel to blame for the consumption of champagne (by a possibly nervous bride) before the wedding :-( as both had been wed before and both already had homes there really wasn't anything they needed so our present was 6 bottles of bubbly delivered to their now family home, I should have known better :-(

CC I wonder how many purchases were returned to the department store after having being bought by people in a jolly mood and with a foggy head :-D


MotownGal Report 30 Sep 2012 19:37

Good evening Ladies,

Lesley my dear, at least someone had to good sense to dress for the occasion.

I know of a wedding a few years ago, where the parents of the bridge of groom were the only ones properly attired.

The groom, who is a proper know all, and knows nothing, told all his friends to 'come casual' one turned up in a Hawaiin shirt! The groom himself was tie-less as was his Best Man, and the rest of the rabble also took it upon themselves to turn up as if was a shopping expedition. Comfy rather then smart.

The cake was never cut, and seeing as Mama and Papa paid for the lot, it was a very poor show.

Groom wanted off the wall photos too, so there is a whole albumn of people not looking at the camera, and taken totally off guard. Not impressed at all.

Cherry dear, I too have been to 'dos' in department stores. The last was when a Celebrity Chef was doing his bit in a well known store in the West End. No one was listening to his words of wisdom, they were too busy sighing over his pretty face.

Very disappointed about the cake dear, but would I really sleep with a piece under my pillow to dream of my true love? Unlikely! Would rather eat it!

Have a good evening dears
Auntie Petunia


CherryCrumbles Report 1 Oct 2012 17:24

good evening Petunia dear and Lesley

Petunia dear I have a question which I hope you might be able to answer, in your role as Agony Aunt to the world and his wife. Actually, there are three questions.

What colour is Saffron Walden? And, what shade is Bluewater??

And ... We all know that marines shout Geronimo!! when they jump out of airplanes, for some strange reason known only to themselves. What do you suppose Geronimo would shout if he jumped out of an airplane?

On the subject of returning things to dept stores. Many many moons ago, when the world was young and my bones and I were even younger, I was acquainted with someone who had worked in the clothing section of a large department store. They had a policy whereby their Account Customers (the well heeled, if not necessarily well bred) could take goods home on approval for a weekend and return said goods on Monday morning if not satisfied.

Many a "lady" whose husband was an Account Customer took an evening dress home 'on approval' on a Saturday morning, for return on the Monday morning, and the store were obliged to credit the account for the value of the dress - even when there were deodorant stains in the armpits and the garment stunk of perfume and cigarette smoke.

I wouldnt have the nerve to play that game. But, I am well bred, albeit not well heeled.

My cleaning lady is in for a shock tomorrow. I've done all the vacuuming through the house, to the end of the dinette, leaving the kitchen. When she turns up tomorrow to do the vacuuming, she is going to be told to redo the last three kitchen cupboards (which Dumb and Dumber cleaned with the cloth used to wash the porch floor), and wash all my baking trays and dishes which Dumb and Dumber dumped all over the kitchen floor (where the cat walks) the day they came in to clean the cupboards. I was too ill to sort this out last week, but I cannot use any of my baking trays until they are washed. Everything is so old its not dishwasher safe. When I pay someone to clean the cupboards that I cant kneel down to any more, surely it is not too much to expect them to use their common sense.

How would you deal with a recalcitrant cleaning firm Petunia dear? Oh you wouldnt. You have Pat rish aaaah ... and I.



Cooper Report 1 Oct 2012 17:25

Oh dear Lesley, 20 miles away, now let me guess where you may have been ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

It was not your fault that the bride and groom were a little one over the eight so to speak :-D they really are old enough to know better :-)

I'm feeling more myself ladies and will be back soon once normal service is resumed.



CherryCrumbles Report 1 Oct 2012 17:28

~~~ to Teresa
keep up the good recovery, my dear.


MotownGal Report 1 Oct 2012 20:19

Good evening Dear Ladies.

What a horrid day today. How is Pat-trish-aaaah getting on with that Ark in the back garden Cherry? I hope she puts lots of pitch onto it. I do not want to go down with the Ship. Kate Twinset may look fetching up to her neck in water, but I do not want to try it.

Pleased you are feeling a little better today Teresa. Keep up with the chicken soup, and take gentle exercise................

Now Cherry dear, as I am the Fount of All Knowledge, I have the answers to your questions.

Saffron Walden is egg yolk yellow dear. What else would it be?

Bluewater is Azure blue. It goes with Blue Sky thinking!

Strangely enough, I do not think that Geronimo would be up in an aeroplane, but should he decide to skydive from one, I think he would shout.


A little chilly tonight dears, I shall wrap myself in a pashmina, bedjacket and my snoozy hat.

Good night dears.
Auntie Petunia


Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 1 Oct 2012 23:11

Hello Ladies

I have had a wonderful afternoon :-) lots of cuddles smiles and chatter with baby E whom has put on three and a half ounces in a week :-D :-D :-D

I had forgotten about the superstition of sleeping with a piece of wedding cake under your pillow............ and I have never heard of ladies returning their attire after they had worn it, Ugh :-S

Teresa I'm sure your right with your guess I was heading 20 miles south :-D

Susan are you well :-)



Cooper Report 2 Oct 2012 16:37

:-D :-D :-D Lesley

I have some nice pashminas Auntie dear from a lady who lunches once a year when she returns from warmer shores than ours :-D tis time OH cranked up the heating.

Saffron Walden Auntie? We have often dragged the protesting fruits to the wonderful house which is there, the rooms I am sure must compare to your own and the gardens are a delight.

Cherry I'm slinging a bit of article roll your way, yes it's still on sale and tastes just as it did when I was at school :-D

Waving to Susan, I seem to have lost the waves now!

Toodle pip for now

Teresa :-)


CherryCrumbles Report 2 Oct 2012 18:50

good evening all !

what Ark in the back garden, Petunia dear? Have I missed something? Or have you been Time Warping again? I wondered what Pat rish aaaah was doing outside, with all that pitch, I assumed she was making torches to light the way for someone. Or to set fire to something ...... Speaking of which - can I set fire to those dreadful Wonga puppets?? That will warm us all up!!

Thank you so much for answering my little queries. It helps me to put my world back into perspective ;-)

Another little question or three, if I may, please.

At what point in our lives do we become living history?

Does Alan Titchmarsh need decking?

Where does the dark go, when we turn the lights on?

~~~ to Lesley, I hope you gave the darling infant a hug from me, while you were at it :-D

~~~ to Teresa, thank you for the cake ... now see what you have done? all the weight I lost last week has piled back on my midriff and hips.

We took our Offspring to Audley End a few times as well, its a good place for an afternoon out in the fresh air.

I had an extended lunch break today, and sat down to watch a movie .... while I was still awake. It was a Chilean drama, with subtitles, broadcast on BBC4. An interesting storyline. Not exciting, but interesting. I should have been cleaning of course, but my chores got done eventually.



Susan-nz Report 2 Oct 2012 20:06

Morning Ladies,

Just a quick visit to say I am still in the land of the living, back another time.

Good news about E, Lesley :-).

Nice to see you on deck Teresa.

~~~~~ to Petunia and CC.

Toodle pip


MotownGal Report 2 Oct 2012 20:53

Good evening dear Ladies,

Well.......................our dear Upsidedown Susan really is like that lovely John Walker.......a Flying Kiwi.

She was here, then she was gorn! Come back soon dear.

Lesley, do tell where your 20 miles south is dear, I am still very much in the dark.

Oh dear Cherry, we started building the Ark at the beginning of Summer [laughs] when the Summer refused to co-operate. I think Pat-trish-aaaah is doing a sterling job, on her hands and knees with her btm in the air, and the nails in her mouth. Who would have thought that a rubber hammer could work so well.

Now back to you questions dear. I dont know it is like having a child, always asking 'Why?' Thank goodness I was not encumbered, I would have had little patience with the constant barrage.

Now as you know there is no tomorrow. We look forward to tomorrow, then when it comes, it is today, and when it is gone, it is yesterday. So we are living history, only we shall not see it, only those who come after..........................Phew!!!!!

Mr Titchmarsh may not need decking, but he will certainly need laying out should his delightful chat show be returning...............

And where does the dark go? We are in constant darkness dear, it is only when we kid ourselves that there be light, and we pay out bills, then the darkness hides in corners. Have you never heard of dark corners dear? That is where the dark is hiding.

Crikey I feel quaite exhausted now. I shall hang up my gown and mortice board, and go and watch the things I have recorded, and have not watched. Unless of course I forgot which tapes I used, and have recorded over the recorded programmes. In which case, I will watch them instead.

Auntie Petunia


Diamonds-R-A-Girls-Best-Friend Report 3 Oct 2012 14:59

Auntie Dear would it be a good idea to give Pat-trish-aaaah a little incentive to get the Ark finished before Saturday :-) if the weather forecast is to be believed I think you may be in need of it ;-)

20 miles south is the Green Green Grass of my old home town:-D Chelmsford.

CC I'm loving your name "CherryCrumbles":-) licks lips;-) Yes E gets an extra gentle squeeze every time I see her and I always tell her who it's from :-)

Teresa have you had a chance to finish the Christmas card you were making for FTE?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to the dashing Susan.



CherryCrumbles Report 3 Oct 2012 18:44

well good afternoon all and I trust this finds you well ..... :-D

I have had a spiffing day, pottering around outside clipping here and there. The gardener checked for weeds and filled a trug. I'd asked him to extract four palm tree saplings before he started weeding, so I got the four and was potting them up when he told me he'd found another two hidden away beneath other plants. These are also now potted up. Six in all ....... I've never before known my palm tree to be so fecund, in all the years I've had that tree. I potted up quite a few last year as well. The problem is ... I'm running out of people to give the palms to.

This is the first time this year that I have stopped panicking about the garden. I really felt I'd lost control over it but thanks to the man who comes round now I am "back on track" for the seasonal work.

Petunia dear, would you like me to save a palm for you? They grow well in pots and tubs which bonsai's the root system. However if put in the ground they can grow to a great height, so best kept for the end of the garden but not too near a fence in case of high winds.

Well really - you promote yourself as the Fount of All Knowledge, and tell us to come to you with our questions and queries. Then, when I do, what do I get? Your response was so tart, you should be a cooking apple. ;-)

*eyes Lesley very warily* Put your teeth away dear :-D



CherryCrumbles Report 4 Oct 2012 16:58

my dear lady Mama telephoned, she is most distraught. This morning her cat did a runner from the back garden (which is surrounded by other back gardens). Not sure why - the cat does not normally wander off - but there are roadworks in the front of their house and the noise could have fightened the cat, who is a very timid animal at the best of times. Mama has notified the RSPCA and the Pet Chip people, in case someone finds the cat and "hands her in", and also put a notice in the newsagent window. I suggested a flyer tied to a lamp post, and perhaps printing off a few dozen "Cat Missing" notes to post through letterboxes and I dont know what else to suggest. But I know how she feels, as my cat has wandered off, often enough.



Cooper Report 4 Oct 2012 17:40

I do hope the little cat is found Cherry dear :-( as you know my dear Husband does not have animals in the house but we have next door but ones cats who wander our garden. Even my OH wondered where the scruffy ginger Tom had got to when he had not seen him for a few weeks. The dear ginger had been AWOL in other gardens and seemed to have got fed up with ours but he is back on his old stomping ground now :-D

I have indeed finished the card Lesley and a couple of handmade decorations for FTE to hang up in her cabin :-D

Do not be fuddled Auntie, just google and all life's answers will be there :-D

Susan, do slow down dear or you will see yourself coming back from where you have been. I do that all the time. It makes one a little dizzy to say the least :-S

Tootle pip for now, just off to tend the batch cooking of many yummy dishes ;-)



MotownGal Report 4 Oct 2012 20:29

Whispers# Good evening dears, I am speaking via the Blooooooberry.

Guess where I am? Go on! Try! Go on, have a go! No? Very well, then, I will tell you.

I am in a CIRCUS!!!!!! Yes honestly, a big striped tent in the middle of the Heath! Honest and true, and cross my stays!

I was missing yesterday, as of course, I have notice of the arrival, and had to supervise the encampment, the pitching, the erecting and inspect the acts.

This Circus is called..............erm, what is it called? Something to do with a cigarette lighter...........erm, crumbs, I had it on the tip of my tongue.............erm, let me think....................Slippos.

It is one of the few traditional Circuses left in the country, and does not include animals. So no elephants to frighten the horses.

We are sitting ringside and I am flanked by Octavia and Georgianna. Beatrice may join us later, if she can get a babysitter for her husband. He is reverting to childhood, and needs a nightnurse to care for him.

I must say she must be very good, as his little eyes light us whenever her name is mentioned. Nurse Dixon she is called. She has had books written about her, so her reputation goes before her.

Now Cherry dear, please do not take umbridge dear. As you know I have VERY many things that I have to juggle at the same time. I shall repeat the words of the sainted Ms Booth and repeat I am not Superwoman. If I seems a little curt then it is because I have already answered that question in my mind,and moved on to another.

Yes please dear, I would love a palm. Does it produce coconuts? I have heard that coconut water is very beneficial to health.

Teresa dear, I never, every Doodle. If I do not know the answer to something, then it is probably not worth knowing! I hope the batch cooking will be sent this way dear. I dont think I can survive all night on warm cola and a box of popcorn.

Lesley dear, babies are meant to be kissed delicately like butterfly wings. Not have great chunks taken out of their limbs. Ah sorry have not been there. There are only a few towns that have not had the pleasure of my presence. I am sure they would have remembered if I had visited there.

No Susan tonight? Probably because she is now at toil on Friday. Her weekend comes faster than ours.

Oooooh, here comes the clowns. I shall give them my rendition from a Little Night Music................................ahem.

Send in the Clowns............................Send in the clowns.

Who threw that lolly stick?

Auntie Petunia