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Auntie Motie a Genteel Tale of Everyday Life.

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Cooper

Cooper Report 10 Sep 2012 14:31

The chook was a little underdone Auntie dear but we are all here to tell the tale ;-)


Teresa

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 10 Sep 2012 15:54

I am sooooo sorry Petunia dear, I seem to have used up the three wishes that came with the genie and the lamp, but I didnt mean to do it on purpose. You know how accident prone I can be.

Perhaps I should get Pat rish aaaaaah to rub the lamp next, to see if the geni appears and does to her ... errrr....... does for her what it did for me. I must say it was quite an experience to materialise in Teresa's kitchen and see all the work in progress. Well, you know what "they say" about if you want something done then ask a busy person acos these people are busy getting everything done.

PAT RISH AAAAH !!! where are youuuu ????? oh dear she is no where to be seen. OMG - the lamp is missing too.

CC

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 10 Sep 2012 15:59

must say .. I did enjoy The Scapegoat, screened last night. What a brilliant story, and what a nice ending.

I vaguely recall seeing a movie many years ago where a young married man had a doppelganger who was quaaiiite psychotic, and the doppel wanted the young man's life and wife. Eventually there was a fight between them and I never did work out if it was the nice husband or his evil counterpart who won.

I have a double somewhere. She was seen drinking in a pub on a night when I was at home with MFH, so I know it wasnt me.

CC

Cooper

Cooper Report 11 Sep 2012 18:44

Haloooo where are you all. I'm orff to do good works but will be back :-D

MotownGal

MotownGal Report 11 Sep 2012 19:40

Myyyyyy gooooodness! Did I every have any idea that there were so many ruins in Greece? No, I did not!!!

We must have covered every square inch of the mainland, and then we caught the ferry over to Cyprus. Oh how pretty! The little white cottages, and the pretty red flowers in the gardens.

We wandered into one of the towns, and sat and had tea [no milk!] and watched the world go by. We then visited the local shops and bought more trinklets to bring home. I have bought you all 'worry beads', so if you feel any sort of stress, just jangle them and count them around. Sending them down the cyber hatch...................NOW. Oooops sorry Cherry!

Now I am a little worried that Pat-trish-aaaaah has gone AWOL and you did not tell me Cherry. She is my own flesh and blood after all. If you paid as much attention to dear Pat-trish-aaaaah as you have been rubbing lamps and fawning around Ruby and Smarmie, we might get somewhere.

You know how easily led she is, and now that she is off with dear Teresa's fruits on the festival trail, I know it will end in tears! Remember the last time? Bovver boots, skinny minis and shaved heads with tattooos? Did I not tell you to keep her on a short leash?

Teresa dear, I hope you good works are not in the home for Fallen Women? If it is dear, then make sure you pick them up. Titters into a lace edged hankerchief.

We will be heading back to the Ship later on this evening, where there is to be a Magic show with a very well know, miniscule magician. We are told we will like it, but not a lot!! How do they know that? We may like it a great deal. I do so dislike presumptious people.

I wonder if I can get Beatrice up on stage to be sawn in half? She really is turning out to be a right 'know all'.................

We are going to purchase local delicacies before we head back, we are having some heavenly honey soaked cakes, and bottles of the local cordial. I think it is called Ouzo.......................

Pip Pip
Auntie Petunia

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 12 Sep 2012 13:35

As I told dear Petunia, I really resent being accused of not paying attention to Pat rish aaaaah, and as for the accusation that I fawned all over Ruby and her husband ..... well !!! I hardly call it fawning, to point them in the direction of the local Estate Agent, Holmes & Ruwin. When Petunia gets home I shall have a few words to say. And it wont be .... "did you have a nice holiday dear?"

Anyway I dont have to ask if she had a nice holiday. She keeps calling us from her Bloooberrrrieeee and telling us all about it "as she goes".

If Pat rish aaaah rubbed that lamp and coereced that geni into taking her to Teresa's home in order to attend the Wild Flower Festival, its hardly my fault.

off now to fawn over Mrs Berry ..... at least someone appreciates me.

*sniffing*
CC

MotownGal

MotownGal Report 12 Sep 2012 20:21

#soft coaxing voice#

Cherry.....................Cherry dear.....................Can you hear me dear? Come, come dear, you know I was only chiding you in jest.

One knows if someone truly likes them if they josh with them. If you do not like that person..............you ignore them.

Come on dear, talk to Auntie Petunia, come on, I'll send you something nice, come on, be a pal....................

I trust you and Mrs Berry are in a perfect partnership dear, she makes the cakes and pies, and you give them the benefit of your tasting. Phew, that was tactful!!!!

One has had a missive informing me of Pat-trish-aaaaah, telling me that she has come a Flower Child. Oh dear, oh dear. One has visions of the Wicker Man when those lithesome young lasses were leaping over the flames................or worse still dancing like Brick Teckland in the bedroom. Shudders.

No news of Ruby and Smarmie so hopefully they have departed back to Uncle Sam.

We are all at sea again, and heading back to Espana. I can just imagine the fiery Latino's with their coal black hair, flashing eyes, and snake hips. And that is only the ladies! I cannot wait to have a clack of their castinets.

Ole
Auntie Petunia

Susan-nz

Susan-nz Report 12 Sep 2012 21:07

Hello Petunia,

I was wondering how you went on with the Ouzo :-D..... Perhaps you are made of stern stuff and it didn't affect you?

Ooh, lovely Spanish dancing, even their horses can dance ;-). Do have fun, hope you have a suitable swishy skirt to dance in? If not, buy one.

It is a very heavy frost here this morning but the sun is shining brightly so that makes a welcome change... I am back to my thermals. :-|.

I am going to wag work this afternoon and accompany my fruit on a jaunt out of town. Hooray :-).

Our local council is trying to outlaw certain types of woodburners.... Yep, I think ours is one of them. I shall not go cold without a fight though. They gave us a ruddy permit in the first place, some years ago mind. But still, we are not amused..

I had better get my skates on and get to work on time if I am to make an early get away. Lucky for me I am good terms with the boss ;-).

Toodle

Susan

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 13 Sep 2012 09:10

*still sulking, with pouting lips and downcast eyes*

And another Blooooberriiieee call. I suspect Mrs Berry has been telling tales behind my back but dear Petunia had the grace to phone again to make excuses about her tirade .... errr ..... to say she was only teasing me, so I suppose thats all right then.

Petunia ignores people she doesnt like - I stick pins into effigies of them!!! ;-) :-D *cackles quietly*

I was most concerned to learn that Pat rish aaaah has now become a Flower Child. I thought that this fad went out of style with the demise of the Hippies and the flower-painted Volksvagens, but its true that what goes around comes around. For example, I have a photograph of my mother holding me as a baby, and the style of skirt Mama was wearing was once again In Vogue in the 1970s ..... I know, because I purchased one. In the original photograph one can hardly see anything, as the photo is about one inch by one inch. However, I have Photosuite and I know how to use it !!! I scanned that ancient photograph, ran it through Photosuite and enlarged and cleaned the image, and hey presto, all the finer details were revealed..

There was another ancient photograph, of my dear Parents, standing in the street outside our family home. Mama was expecting me at the time, so there were really three people in that marriage. Anyway, two other people (a maternal aunt and her husband) can be seen in the background, standing in the doorway of our house. This picture too was put through the magical influence of Photosuite, and Abracadabra Alacazam, a third person was revealed standing there, a small girl, who is my stepcousin and came with my aunt and uncle (she was niece to the uncle).

The reason she was my stepcousin, is because when Aunt married Uncle, widowed GrandMama met widowed father of the Groom, and they got married. Ergo, Mama's new brother in law become her stepbrother. And if one wishes to take it a STEP further (pun intended) .... this meant that Uncle and Aunt were not just husband and wife, they became step brother and step sister - which made Mama a Sister in Law to her Sister who was the wife of Mama's Step Brother.

This is where I start singing ..... "I'm My Own Grandpaw". Which version would you like - Ray Stevens, or Phil Harris??

But I digress. I really cannot envisage Pat rish aaah leaping around wicker baskets hanging over fires, but am now concerned she may return home with a tribe of long haired young men whose main conversational topics are beer and Karma bells, interspersed with Yeah Man. Only time will tell .....

*prepares oneself for the next Bloooberrriiieee call*
CC

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 13 Sep 2012 09:26

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ to Susan !

Ah what would we do without the hypocracies of council policies to keep us on our toes. I had a fight with the county council highways authority a couple of years back.

Many moons ago, we paid the local council a large sum of money to create a runway from our frontyard to the blacktop, so we could drive in and out of our frontage with ease (people park by the kerb opposite, you see, which restricts manouvering, its not all that wide a street).

The highways authority came along and resurfaced the sidewalk, and in doing so "stole" some of our runway. MFH went into his usual "lets wait and see" lazybones mode. I went into my Lets Get Some Action mode. First I told the navvies where our runway should extend to. They said it was more than their job was worth to make any changes without permission from the highways authority.

I phoned the council, and explained the situation, and asked if they still had paperwork relating to our application. They didnt, but they did have a list of applications placed in date order, including ours, although it didnt show the finer details or what we had paid, and offered to send us the bit relevant to our home; and I said that will do nicely thank you.

Now - I had just discovered Google Maps, and had an image or two of the sidewalk outside our house, showing the extent of the runway.

I then phoned the highways authority, who told me to phone the council. I told them I had already phoned the council, who were sending me paperwork to prove we had paid for a runway which was now considerably shorter due to the resurfacing works, furthermore I had photographic evidence of what we had paid for, and I demanded that the surveyor or whoever was responsible for this come to visit me because I wanted my runway back.

The guy turned up a couple of hours later, looked at my photos, looked at the sidewalk, and told the navvie "do what the lady says".

I guess its neither practical nor affordable for you to switch to oil fired or gas fired central heating? Now, in the UK, both gas and electric systems are very expensive to run and too many people have to make the decision to Eat or Heat, but I remember a time when gas fired was cheaper. We have a gas fired central heating system which provides the hot water, but I wont cook with gas, I have an electric oven.

CC

Cooper

Cooper Report 13 Sep 2012 19:39

Pat rishhh aaaaaaaaaa, no that it not a suitable item of clothing for a woman of your age to go out in. Put it back at once, it's FTEs favourite dress.


Tutting like mad and a little flustered looking for the missing lamp.

Teresa :-|

MotownGal

MotownGal Report 13 Sep 2012 20:39

Gooood evening dear ladies, oh what a jolly time we have had meandering around Barcelona. Or should that be Barthcelona. Titters. All those Latin men, making goo goo eyes at Francine. Mind you I am not surprised, she is a very pretty gel. George is not best pleased though.

We visited the churches once again, and bought some more artifacts that will be coming Cherry's way very soon. Duck dear.

Cherry and Teresa dear, please take care of my little girl. I know she is a plain, hairy, disfunctional and lumpy kind of girl, but she is MY plain, hairy, disfunctional, lumpy girl. I never did get close to her mother, and I feel now, that after the treaterous Juanita she is all I have in the world. Sniffs.

Teresa, she really does need a firm hand to keep her in order. Will your gentleman walker perhaps give her a talking to? Please dear, tell me exactly where she was wearing the lamp......................I shudder to think.

Now Cherry dear, we do not want telling tales do we dear? I am sure you and Mrs Berry are rubbing along just fine. Can I put an advance order for when we come home?

I shall of course be bringing everyone home with me, so please air all the bedrooms, and get Mrs Berry to change the bedlinen. We would like a hearty dinner that night, so perhaps a steak and kiddley pudding all around? Thank you dear, I know we have been fine dining on board Ship, but a little home comfort goes a long, long way.

Expect us back on Sunday evening. We are docking at Southampton about 4pm, so give us time to pootle home the 'pretty way'.

Dear Susan, I cannot help but sympathise with you over the heating. It is getting colder here, and the price of coal has risen, if you can find it!

We used to have a coalman called Tom many years ago. He wore an old jacket and cap, which were stiff with coaldust. Do you know, I never saw him clean. He was always as black as soot. Imagine my surprise when I saw a very scrubbed young man, walking along with his lady wife and two flaxen haired children. He called out 'Hello Miss Petunia' but I did not recognise him! What a handsome man lay hidden under all the dirt!

By the way, I did try the Ouzo, what a strong drink, I wonder what flower it is distilled from, certainly not any that grows in this country !!

Off to a Flamenco evening tonight. We are eating, then watching the cabaret, then we will be having lessons in the art of clacking our castinets. Octavia is threatening to remove her teeth and using them.

Rolls eyes...................

Flouncing my pretty dress
Auntie Petunia

Susan-nz

Susan-nz Report 13 Sep 2012 21:29

Morning gels,

CC, The council are wanting everyone to switch to electric heat pumps, them what blow warm/hot/cold air around your rooms. 1) I don't like them 2) why should we have to purchase more heating when our current system is perfectly adequate 3) I don't like them :-P

Gas is not an option, we live up a rear driveway and declined the offer of piped gas some moons ago as we didn't want to rob a bank to pay for the installation.
We don't burn coal here, strictly a no no. OH and I never burn wet wood, we are like little squirrels (don't have them here either), we gather our wood through the warmer months so it is bone dry come winter.

We shall not, we shall not be moved, we shall not we shall not be moved...
uless faced with a law suit I guess :-D.

By the by CC, yes the girl we watched is the same person you mentioned :-)..

I have been for a bracing constituitional this morning, with fruit and pup. Consequently I am running a tad late this morn so I had best be off and get myself to work. No shirking today. But I did have a nice luncheon out yesterday with my fruit.

~~~~~~ to all, Teresa, stay calm. Where is Lesley?

Toodle pip
Susan

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 14 Sep 2012 17:51

hello Teresa, I dread to think which of your FTE's outfits Pat rish aaaah tried to go out in. Was it the Goth or the Heavy Metal? or ... perish the thought ... the ripped jeans with safety pins in??

CC

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 14 Sep 2012 18:01

*mutters*
well I really do not know why dear Petunia exhorted me to take care of Pat rish aaaah, when she has absconded to the wilds of Essex. When she is not here in Motie Towers, she is NOT my responsibility. I do hope dear Teresa finds the lamp, which seems to have absconded with Pat rish aaaaah. Before I rubbed the geni up the wrong way, I noticed the hallmark, and the lamp may be very valuable indeed. I was hoping to get a good price for it at a little market stall I heard about, in Camden.

But all said and done, I will be so relieved when Petunia comes home again. Acos, I am sick and tired of that cyber hatch opening and all her holiday shopping crashing down on my head.

And I do not know what dear Petunia meant by her allusion to "telling tales". It is not me who tells tales. Therefore it must be Mrs Berry, as at the moment there is no one else here but us two, and our shadows.

Well I can see a busy weekend looming. No rest for the wicked.
*ticks list*
fresh bedding to be pulled out of the airing cupboard
The Orange Room, the Purple Room, the Crimson Room, and Petunia's room are to be thoroughly aired, so I must remember to jemmy open the windows.
All bedding to be sent to the laundry service, and the fresh bedding to go on the beds after the mattresses have been shaken and turned.
Carpets to be vacuumed, and lavender scent sprayed around. Also Oust.
Tricki Woo to be collected from the kennels.
Contact butcher and order best steak to be delivered.
Contact greengrocer and order a selection of choicest fresh vegetables.
Raid the wine cellar.

I think that just about covers it.

Drat - Pat rish aaaah is not here, which means I have to do all the work myself.

CC

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 14 Sep 2012 18:05

hello Susan, goodness you are in a quandary regarding your heating issues. I bet the powers that be who have decided all this, earn a generous salary and dont have to decide whether to Eat or Heat in the winter months. I can quite understand why you dont want to change systems. Good luck with fighting the good fight.

Now you've identified Cesca - what did you think?

I suspect our lunacy .... I mean, collective sense of humour, has scared Lesley off, LOL

CC

MotownGal

MotownGal Report 14 Sep 2012 20:50

Good evening all............Petunia here via the Bloooooooberry!

Ah our evening was lovely, we clacked all evening. We also got to taste the local cordial through what looked like a very small watering can. It was held aloft over our heads, and then poured...............my, my, my flowers got watered alright. It went straight down my gullet and missed my mouth altogether.

I really am getting cosmopolitan with all these drinks! As you know I am totally teetotal, but these new cordials are really rather nice, hic.

We journeyed overnight on the train, first class of course, to Madrid. And yes, we did the sights again. More churches, more trinklets, watch out Cherry! Wheeeee! Thank you dear, pop them into my room. Back to the Ship tonight, and then cruising back tomorrow and Southampton on Sunday. Home Sweet Home!!!! Lovely.

Susan dear, I am very partial to gas myself. I would have kept the gas mantles all over the house, but we were condemned! Such a pleasant glow, so flattering on ones complexion. We are now entering our Autumn dear, and it is definitely chilly in England in the mornings. My heating allowance has been cut. As I am over a certain age, it was a little help towards the bills, but now it has been reduced, I fear that we will be living in one room. Motie Towers is wonderful in the summer, light and airy, but a begger to heat in the winter. I fear we will be huddled around the Aga in the scullery!!!!

Thank you Cherry dear, I am looking forward to returning home, and you are making all the arrangements. Thank you dear. Just make sure that the linen is really dry and aired before the beds are made. My poor old joints will not stand for damp beds.

I hope that you placed the meat order with Mr Cleaver in the High Street, his meat is the best around. He leaves it hanging out in the air to mature it. It really is a treat.

I hope you have given full instructions to Mrs Berry for our supper. We, being old girls, always feel better with something hot inside us, and the pudding will set us up a treat.

I am sorry we have not heard from Lesley for a few days, but I suspect she has Grannyitus, and is in love with her newborn. And that is how it should be. She will hopefully return to the boooooosum of us all, very soon.

We are about to board the train now.......................how strange a little Belgian man in a cashmere coat, hat and a waxen moustache has waddled into view...............no.............dont tell me........................how exciting!!!

Exercising my leeeeetle grey cells
Auntie Petunia

CherryCrumbles

CherryCrumbles Report 14 Sep 2012 23:15

And another Bloooberrriiieee call ........... I was able to reassure dear Petunia that all is in hand for her return, and the house will be ready to accommodate her guests with her usual standards of hospitality.

heehee, she thinks I havent twigged on ...
*those cheap wines with expensive labels stuck on the bottles.
*Home made soap for the handbasin in each bedroom - made up from recycled bits of old soap and a pattern put on with a red wax stamp and a mallet.
*stale bread, softened with milk for the bread puddings Pat rish aaaah used to make.

Two can play that game. I shall tell dear Petunia that all the meat came from Mr Cleaver in the High Street, but a friend of mine is visiting Lord Fauntleroy's estate tomorrow night after dark beneath the moonless sky - the rabbits have mixie and will be easy to catch, the squirrels are running around looking for their nuts, and Petunia wont know the difference between rabbit or squirrel, and chicken. And for once, the venison wont be dear, or expensive either.

As well as the Oust, I shall get a few spray cans of Haze and a Magnolia fragrance room spray just for good measure. That should mask any unsavoury odours emanating from the sewers. I must remember to book Mr Rodd, the drainage engineer. It wasnt my fault the drains got blocked up, but accidents will happen ............................ ;-)

Petunia finished her call rather hastily, mumbling something about a little Belgian ..... I love Belgian chocolates, they are the best in the world :-D

Mrs Berry, dear, are you still here? Did I tell you about the husband of one of my aunts? His mother used to make bread and butter puddings for him, and after he married my aunt he expected her to make bread and butter puddings too, just like his mamma used to make. One day, he walked into the kitchen to see my aunt buttering bread, and weighing up the currants and seedless raisins etc. He wanted to know what she was doing. Aunt replied that she was making him a bread and butter pudding. He said : you mean to tell me that there is buttered bread in bread and butter pudding?? Aunt answered : "well, yes". And from that day on, Uncle never ate bread and butter pudding again.

Now, Miss Mortimer asked for filling puddings for when she and her guests return to Motie Towers. Let me see - bread and butter pudding for Sunday, Apple Charlotte and Custard for Monday, Rhubarb Crumble and Custard for Tuesday. What about a Spotted Dick for Wednesday .......?

CC

MotownGal

MotownGal Report 15 Sep 2012 08:05

Whispers

Drat, and drat again, some fool has died during the night on the train.................

I dont wish to be uncharitable dears, but I do want to get back to the ship now.

That little Belgian is walking up and down the corridor quizzing us all.

Damn, blast and balderdash!

I want to come home!!!!!!

Vexed
Auntie Petunia

Susan-nz

Susan-nz Report 15 Sep 2012 09:39

CC : Mixie - gawd, don't eat the bleddy bunnies......

Cesca I think, has made positive changes in her life.... Good for her. Not sure that I like the music, but hey ho, each to their own eh?? What did she have to say about her experience on CDWM? There may well be something wrong with me, but I like that show... The personalities that get thrown together, too too much.

My OH is in the lounge watching the AB's play the Boks... I am 'listening' to the game, biding time til I can hit the hay and read my book ;-). I have beavered away today and am fair knackered.

Petunia, who was the fool that died? Not murdered I hope? Did you not hear anything at all? Why do your jaunts never go by without incident? Holy moly, you do have a knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or is it the right place at the wrong time or the wrong place at the right time? OOooh, I feel giddy trying to make any sense of my thoughts :-0..

Time to call it a day I think,

Enjoy your Saturday, I am away to rest me bones,

Susan

PS: I had the most vivid dream last night, I had an elephant peering in my windows, looking at me :-D, oh dear, whatever could THAT mean.?

Nothing to do with the chocolate bar I scoffed yesterday I hope...