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adoption/hints and hugs from other adoptees*Chapte

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Ann

Ann Report 8 Mar 2006 22:15

Hi Jess ,Glen and everyone, Jess Its time for that block of CHOCOLATE or a nice glass of wine or beer. That might help. Hope you feel better soon. Glen Sounds like you finding lots of family connections. Good to hear , 8 new cousins *WOW*. Talked to BS yesterday and she sounds happy. and had email from BM's brother. BM's sister is coming over to Oz this year and wants to meet us. Cant say whether I will meet her or not. Dont know if I am ready for that yet. I find email easier. But we will see, its a while away yet. Hugs and squeezes for all, Annxxx

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 8 Mar 2006 22:26

Big hug your way Jess, Sheila If you get this i'm blanking that other problem from my mind at the minute Glen

Loopy

Loopy Report 9 Mar 2006 03:05

Hi Glen, Hi Ladies Jess I hope you feel better soon I find that Baileys help's with any sort of prob's, and if you mix it with lots of ice it can also become a diet drink as it waters it down a liitle, works for me !!!!!! LOL. Glen wow 8 more cousins, I hope you get everything your heart desires and they find your records soon. Ann, I can understand how you feel I would be the same. And now for my little update, my birth cousin told me my BM was one of 10 and they all seem to have a couple of kids each. ( that xmas card list is growing by the minute). I have had a couple of emails with BC and she seems really nice. I feel no pressure when I email her at all, we are both the similar age and both babble heads it seems. As for my birth mother she seems nice as well, but I hate to be horrible as it was me who found her, but she finished her first email of with lots of love and many kisses and the second email with Love ********(mum). I though this was a little full on. Now before you think I am a horrible person, I have had a great life with my Mum and Dad (adopted) and do not need another !!!!!!!! ( lets face it we love them dearly but they can be hard work at times - one is enough. LOL ) I think that when you set yourslf up for the worst and it is totally the opposite it sort of throws you, or maybe I would have just been satisfied with a photo, medical history and a couple of pleasent emails every now and then. OOhh I don't know I'm confused or am I just fickle !!!!!!!!!! Hi Sheila Thanks for replying to my pm and always knowing th right thing to say ! Bye for now Mel

Ann

Ann Report 9 Mar 2006 22:12

Hi Mel and everyone, I know exactly how you feel. because I am of the same mind. Its a need to know thing. Not a 'I want my mummy thing'. I think they should all read these messages and they might get what we really want and need. Yes I know that sounds selfish and I'm sorry if I offend anyone. Its good to know and eventually meet these people,, but most of us are lucky enough to have wonderful parents. Its a different need. It propably would be easier if they reject us then we wouldnt have all these emotions going through our heads. But on a brighter side she didnt reject you and as time goes by you can tell her how you feel. i think she will understand. She would be going through alot emotions as well. Jess are you OK......... havent seen any messages from you. Hope you are feeling better. Annxx

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 9 Mar 2006 22:32

Hi everyone, I suppose that i am fortunate that my b/m died well before i started this whole thing. Maybe that sounds selfish and spiteful but it has made things easier for me,i haven't had to deal with the what if she doesn't want to know problem. Yes there are probems with trying to build some line of communication with my half sibs,but i managed for many years without and don't think i need them to allow me to survive. I couldn't and wouldn't expect them to answer the 'why was i adopted?' question,but something about my b/m would be nice. Who knows when and if i'll ever find out,the new cousins are not much help in that respect,it looks like every uncle and aunt lead a little family of their own,aware of the others but independent of each other. Strange that i have been the one to break the news to 12 people the names of grandparents,aunties and uncles,if i didn't have the certs for the 8 cousins i would have thought they were a totally different family. Till next time everyone Glen xxx

Loopy

Loopy Report 10 Mar 2006 02:59

Hi All Thanks Ann You have hit the nail on the head that is exactly how I feel !!!! Anyway I am not going to worry about at all tonight as I am going on a girls night out to the Casino to see a show. A simple chance to leave the thoughts at home, though I know they will be waiting for me when I get back.. Have a good day / night Mel

*~*Beve

*~*Beve Report 10 Mar 2006 07:24

Morning all, Just to let you know yesterday i collected an information sheet from my social worker that she had drawn up from my court records. Makes very interesting reading. After 43 years i now know where i was born, my birth weight and the fact that i was breast fed! wow Have read through it over and over. Lots of info about my BM and all the various foster parents i was placed with as a baby. I feel wierd, all shaky and excited, also got last known address for BM parents and it stated that my BM was pregnant when they traced her to sign my adoption papers. Lots of info to go on so lots of investigating about to start. Good luck to everyone who has their info or are still waiting for it Beve PS going back for photcopies of actual records in may.

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 10 Mar 2006 08:38

Hi everyone, I couldn't sleep last night,don't know why,no problems at the moment. But anyhow i have a message for everyone,(see my next post) It's a thankyou,to each and every person who visits the thread,it is as personal to you as you wish to make it,but it is to show how you have all helped me over the past few months. They are my own words.It just shows what sharing my experience with you means to me. Glen

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 10 Mar 2006 08:47

We often share our hopes and fears We often share our joys and tears We share the things others cannot see We share because we are family And as i walk this rocky road You offer me your hand to hold To pick me up if i should fall To hold aloft when i walk tall And though we may be miles apart You have a place here in my heart A place to stop and rest awhile To have a weep or raise a smile But from my heart i say to you I know that you will help me through The times ahead,both good and bad And that's why my friends make me glad Glen 10/03/06

Bacardi

Bacardi Report 10 Mar 2006 09:56

what a lovely verse and so true god bless angie x

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 10 Mar 2006 10:41

On the subject of birth mothers, Im glad i got the chance to meet mine, although what i gained from it i am unsure. I got the hugs and kisses 'bit' in a letter but then almost 'cold shoulder' when we met. When we parted that first time, with the promise of meeting again soon, my thank you card was returned with 'you met me, now leave me alone'~ talk about mixed messages! I still send christmas cards~ to (her name) NOT to mum, needles to say they are not reciprocated. She is an reasonably elderly lady and i do wonder if she has now passed away, she had every ailment under the sun when we met all those years ago, and if she is still alive its a medical wonder...... IF i believe half she said was wrong with her! i did enclose a note with this years card, if (her name) is no longer at this address, please return to sender, but it didnt boomerang~ so whio knows..I Will send a change of address when we move in a couple of weeks, just 'because ' really. maybe she'll keep it, maybe she throw it away, who knows?. i think my hope is that one day, one of the half brothers that she had before me will stumble across my name as he clears the house when she is gone and curiosity will get the better of them. at 12 and 14 However nieve they were then, as she didnt go away to have me, the must know she was pregnant and must know that i exist, mustn't they....?? Jess x

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 10 Mar 2006 11:09

Hi Jess How poignant you mention the 12 and 14 year old. That's the situation i find myself in with my half sister,she would have been 16 or 17 when b/m was pregnant with me. I still don't know if she want's contact with me via her brother or more directly,seeing as i haven't had an answer to that i wonder if that is the answer in itself. I always ask myself what she must have made of the situation at the time,maybe she knows too much for her own good. I never expected or hoped for a big fairytale welcome home type reunion,but just sometimes i have a little daydream about my h/sister,after all we would have been within inches of each other at some point,we just couldn't see each other at that time. A rose tinted daydream? Yes definately. It makes me smile though and that always helps. Big hugs for everybody from my special place. Glen xxx

Jess Bow Bag

Jess Bow Bag Report 10 Mar 2006 11:27

Glen - i do wonder if these birth siblings, especially the older ones, despite what we may feel, think that WE got the better deal, when all was said and done. I certainly think i did,from what little i know. I wonder what sort of life they had both before and after our births, and that they remain distant because we may very well have had better and maybe they resent that . I know for a fact I did ~ My BM worked when she wasn't out cavorting and they were left with aged grandparents who lived with them, in a small house. cant have been a good time. Jess x

Susan

Susan Report 10 Mar 2006 11:32

If anyone was born in Hopedene a home for unmarried mothers in Newcastle upon tyne I have an address where you can get a copy of your record held by the home. In the last 3 weeks I have found on my fathers (deceased) side my half brother and 4 half sisters, as well as my mother and half sister. My fathers side was from the records from the home. He was not named on my birth certificate, but his name and address was in my records. My mother was found using this site. Wishing all adoptees goodluck in their search.(mine took 20 years)

Janet in Yorkshire

Janet in Yorkshire Report 10 Mar 2006 11:43

Hi all, I wasn’t adopted, but do like to drop in regularly to read your very special stories –hope no one minds. Jess, I think you could well have hit the nail on the head – those “left behind” may have had a truly awful time as children and have decided to put the past well and truly behind them, and not want any links with it Their memories may be very painful, for all sorts of reasons. Take care, all of you. Jay

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 10 Mar 2006 11:49

Jess I agree with you there, from what i can tell my half sibs have never met my 'new' cousins and vice versa,between them (11 people) not one of them could actually name a cousin or the grandparents. From the birth certs and looking on Friends Reunited,they all lived within a few streets of each other and went to the same schools,maybe something went on way back when,but until i find out otherwise i know i had the best deal of the lot. The age gap from oldest to youngest is just 10 years,two births show the families lived just one street away from each other,and the births are 3 months apart,and granny lived in the next street again for at least 40 years,how you could be that close and not know names is beyond belief. Anything that ripped apart the parents generation to us must have been huge. I must have been blessed, Glen

Eileen

Eileen Report 10 Mar 2006 16:39

Interesting to think of one's half-sibs maybe feeling 'us as was given away' had the better deal. I think I probably did as I went to a reasonlably comfortable middle class couple who owned their own house and had a car. They only had me, and sent me to private school. I had riding lessons, piano lessons, ballet lessons, went to camps. Had proper holidays every year - not abroad, but always two weeks somewhere nice. Had a lovely room I did not have to share, had a 21st birthday party, an engagement party, a splendid wedding. Help with buying first home, etc. etc. My older half sibs. lost their home, a council house, when their parents divorced due to my arrival, lived with granny for a while, then with their father's remarriage, had to change again, and get used to a step-mum. No posh school, no smart big house in classy area on edge of smart town. I am sure that they were loved and the best done for them that could be, but still...........it must look as if I had rather a lot of jam. I know, from tracing them and knowing them now, that they did all right by their own efforts. They are good people, but their childhood was disrupted due to my arrival, and as children they must have wondered what had happened. We all have to walk several moons in the other person's shoes, as the American Indians say.

Sheila

Sheila Report 10 Mar 2006 18:35

Hi Folks, Hope your all well, Glen, Loved your poem, any more thoughts on your problem? Mel Hope you had a good girls night out !...... will do you the world of good, give you time to mull things over. One thing I forgot to mention is when I first started searching I like most people here, thought I was adopted from birth, however, most of us are adopted from 6-9 months, also did you realise that a lot of BM's where able to care for their babies for the first 6 weeks sometimes longer, maybe thats why they seem to come more full on than us, they remember they babies they held, where as we have no memory of them, just something for you to ponder over, help you maybe see things from their side a little, not justifying anything just playing devils adocate. Ann I understand where you are coming from, but every situation has a flip side and whilst you think being rejected may have been easier, the adoptees that have been rejected also carry a lot of baggage, did you know NORCAP actually have a site to help rejected adoptees deal with their feelings. :O( There are no guidlines for this search, every case is different and every person is different, whilst we can chat on this thread, most of our experiences will vary quite a bit, all we can do is support each other through this. I know I definatley got the better deal with being adopted, and feel sorry for subsequent children my BM had, they did not have the best of lives, that said many children that are born after us , when the BM has only had one child then went on to marry especially in the 1960's are born into a happy marriage and have a good upbringing. What we have to be aware of is the ones of us where there have been quite a few siblings born to our BM, the chances are that person settlign down and having happy stable life would be quite slim, this also then follows that any children born in these realtionships would have happy family live :O( so their is a god chance that becoming involved with them may bring alot of baggage. Beve My BM was also pregnant when she signed my adoption papers, 43 later I traced that baby also adopted and now where the best of friends :O) Good Luck to all of you with your continued searches, just take it a step at a time, and do not expect to much from either you BF or yourselves. Sheila

Glen In Tinsel Knickers

Glen In Tinsel Knickers Report 10 Mar 2006 22:18

Hi all Shiela,the problem i feared is true,the way the info is put on the tree made it fairly obvious.The person who actually contacts me is the partner of 'the child' i mentioned. It turns out that of the 8 cousins all have to some degree or other learning difficulties and only two actually live outside of care homes. Although the father (my uncle) died 10 years ago the mother is still alive. Just thought i'd pop in Glen

Ann

Ann Report 11 Mar 2006 00:16

Hi Jess,Glen,Mel.Sheila,Beve,Eileen ,Sheila and everyone. Jess, Are you feeling better now??????? Sheila, Thank you, you always have wise words to say and I appreciate your advise. Glen, Your poem brought a tear to my eye.....it was beautiful. Mel, Hope you had a great time at the Casino and didnt lose to much money. Eileen, Yes I to had it better then most, not as good as yours, but we(my sister and I) practically got most of everthing a child could want including lots of love. The most important thing. Hi Bev, Glad to hear your search is going well. Well I finally asked My BM's brother to ask BM about my BF and he said he would try and get the truth for me. I really like her brother he has been so welcoming and just a really nice man. And i think he will push for the truth. No I not expecting much because I know it was a long time ago and she might have pushed it out of her head. Another question to think about???? Woman giving more then one baby away is that normal??????? What surprises me is that all these woman have more then one baby and just give them away.. To me it doesnt sound normal. In all my life I have never heard of so many woman given away numerace babies and just going on with life. Am I the weird one, ......Is this the normal thing they did back then (the 60,s) or Is it that I have lived a shelted life. Would someone like to answer this one please. Have a great weekend all Catch up soon Annxx