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Bad childhood jokes

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Allan

Allan Report 7 Mar 2019 21:15

To the person who took my diary, my thoughts are with you

Allan

Allan Report 10 Mar 2019 23:20

The postman delivered a very large, and very delicate piece of equipment for a project that I'm working on.

The equipment was wrapped in yards and yards of bubble wrap.

The postman kindly offered to help me unwrap it and when we finished he asked me what to do with the bubble wrap.

I tod him to pop it in the garage.

He was still there three days later.

Caroline

Caroline Report 11 Mar 2019 00:05

How does Batman Mum call him in for dinner?


Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman....

Dermot

Dermot Report 11 Mar 2019 07:27

Daddy comes home with a big bag of sweets & says to his children: "I'm going to give these to the person who never answers Mummy back & always does what she wants. Now who's going to get them?"

The youngsters reply: "You are".

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 11 Mar 2019 12:26

Unashamedly stolen from another site...(but edited for the squeamish....)
A Husband and Wife who worked for the Circus went to an adoption agency.
The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??
The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.
The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor will teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".
Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??
"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers were finally satisfied.
They asked,
"What age child are you hoping to Adopt"..??
"It doesn't really matter.. As long as the little beggar fits in the Cannon"..

Allan

Allan Report 12 Mar 2019 21:25

What do you get when you cross a bee with a bell?

A humdinger

Allan

Allan Report 13 Mar 2019 01:28



OH had an accident in the car yesterday.

She told the police that the person she hit was drinking beer and on the phone when the accident occurred

The police told OH that the man was perfectly entitled to do that in his own living room.




Dermot

Dermot Report 13 Mar 2019 10:10

"Why is the new baby just like daddy"?

"It is bald, sleepy & uneducated".

Allan

Allan Report 14 Mar 2019 23:53

Don’t you love eye jokes, the cornea the better




Allan

Allan Report 20 Mar 2019 23:40

I've just been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.


The doctor said I have feefiphobia




Caroline

Caroline Report 21 Mar 2019 00:39

:-D :-D

Dermot

Dermot Report 21 Mar 2019 10:25

A woman sees a small boy leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette & drinking nips from a hip flask.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" enquires the woman.

"School!? - says the boy. "You've got to be joking! I'm only four"!

Allan

Allan Report 21 Mar 2019 23:52

I used to have a fear of walking past horse chestnut trees, but I’ve now conkered it.




Dermot

Dermot Report 22 Mar 2019 07:09

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

He had low elf-esteem. :-)

Kense

Kense Report 22 Mar 2019 16:44

A sandwich goes into a bar.

"Get out" says the barman "We don't serve food here".

Dermot

Dermot Report 22 Mar 2019 16:50

A man stumbled into a bar & exclaims; "Ouch! That hurt"!

It was an iron bar.

Kense

Kense Report 22 Mar 2019 16:54

Arial went into a bar.

"Get out" said the barman "We don't serve your type here".

Dermot

Dermot Report 22 Mar 2019 20:19

Out of the mouths of babes & sucklings comes all manner of things - usually smelly puke.

Allan

Allan Report 22 Mar 2019 21:43

My Wife has a black belt in cooking.

One chop and your dead

Caroline

Caroline Report 23 Mar 2019 12:54

:-D :-D to all